May 17th, 6:13 PM
Defendant Lobby 4
Phoenix: Oh boy... Another trial...
Maya: Come on, this is your job!
Phoenix: I know, but... This is the second time I have defended him...
Maya: Well, be happy, he's your friend!
Phoenix: Okay...
A few minutes had passed. Phoenix was pacing nervously in the defendant lobby, remembering what everyone said. He kept mumbling to himself, "Everyone says it... 'Larry Butz is guilty...'" After a few moments, it was time for the trial.
"The court is now in session for the trial of Larry Butz." The familiar words penetrated ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Phoenix's mind as he said, "The defense is ready, Your Honor." "The prosecution is ready for the booty, Your Honor." Edgeworth stated. Judge nodded and demanded, "Prosecution, your opening statement please." Phoenix smiled a bit as the judge demanded it. He loved the sound of Edgeworth's voice.
"At 4:20 BI, a man named Dee Snutz was murdered by the holy statue of Sanic." Edgeworth said, then continued, "The defendant was there at the scene, and was arrested on the spot." The judge nodded and bellowed, "Thank you, but before we begin... What was the murder weapon? And, what does BI stand for?" Edgeworth winked at Phoenix provocatively and murmured, "Oh, how foolish of me. The murder weapon was a bag of Doritos. And BI stands for Blaze It." The judge nodded and ordered, "Please call your first witness to the stand." Phoenix, who was now blushing, looked at Edgeworth.
"The prosecution would like to call C. Schell to the stand." A few moments later, a blond chick with a flat chest stood there, playing with her earrings. "Name and occupation, please." Edgeworth stated. "Cassandra Schell, plumber." Phoenix watched Edgeworth every few seconds, trying not to say anything.
"Very well. Witness, your testimony please." The judge boomed as he began to eat a whole tube of cookie dough. Cassandra stated, "So, I was sitting by the statue when suddenly I hear an argument. I look over and see a man and a woman arguing. The man took a bag out of his pocket and put it on the woman's head. The woman went limp." The judge was too distracted with his cookie dough to say anything, so Phoenix began his cross examination. "Hold it!" Phoenix yelled. "You heard them arguing...?" "Yes, I did." Cassandra squeaked. "About what?"
Cassandra froze for a moment and then said, "Fast food restaurants." Phoenix nodded and kept listening. After a few moments... "Hold it! A bag...? What kind of bag?" Cassandra squeaked, "Oh, a plastic one, like, the one you get from stores." "Can you change your testimony to reflect this?" The judge asked through a pile of cookie dough. Cassandra nodded and said, "The man put a plastic bag over the woman's head. She went limp." "OBJECTION!" Edgeworth smiled a bit as Phoenix yelled this.
"Ms. Schell, what you just said directly contradicts our evidence!" Cassandra sputtered, "W-whaaatt?!" Phoenix took out a paper and tapped it, stating, "As you can see, the murder weapon was a Doritos bag...." Phoenix slammed the desk. "Not a plastic bag!" "OBJECTION!" Edgeworth yelled. "What is the air speed velocity of an unladen sparrow!?" "African or European?" Phoenix joked, nudging the witness a tiny bit. Edgeworth smiled and cleared his throat.
Cassandra whispered, "Well, I was far away, I couldn't see it..." "Then how could you know it was a plastic bag at all?!" The cornered theme started playing louder as Phoenix inquired, "How close were you to the couple?" "...A few feet away." Everyone gasped. Edgeworth slammed the desk and growled, "Witness, why didn't you say this before?!" The judge was now asleep, so it was up to them to get the verdict.
"Well, they would think I was lying..." Phoenix asked, "Did you tell the police, at least?" Cassandra shook her head. Everything fell silent... Except for the cornered theme. Phoenix asked, "Why wouldn't you tell if you saw it? Or maybe you DIDN'T see it at all!"
Edgeworth had moved from behind his desk. He now stood by Phoenix. Cassandra sputtered, shocked, "W-w...WHAAAAATT?!?!?!" Phoenix yelled, "Your Honor, wake up!" The judge snorted as he awoke. "Sorry, it's the age..." he grumbled. "I suggest that we check the bag for fingerprints!" Cassandra smirked and joked, "Why would a bag finger Prince?"
The court took a 69 minute recess to check the bag. When the trial continued, The judge said, "The bag has the witness's prints on it." Phoenix smirked at Edgeworth and Cassandra. A few minutes later, Cassandra was taken away.
"...The defendant, Larry Butz..." Suddenly, there was a crash. The judge banged his gavel. "Order! Order! The prosecution will get off of the defense!" Wet kissing sounds and moaning were heard from the defense's side.
Maya: Nick! What the Hell were you doing with Edgeworth!?
Phoenix: Hey, he started it....
Maya: Sue him for rape!
Phoenix: ...It's not rape if I enjoyed it.
Larry: Nick! Thanks a lot! ...That was sexy, that thing in court.
