AZRAEL

CHAPTER 3: MICHAEL

I keep tossing and turning on the floor with a blanket I cover as my bed for tonight. I tried to make myself sleep, but I couldn't sleep. The floor is cold, and I can hear the mosquitos buzzing in my ears and, at the same time biting me. They are partying with my blood. I can also hear the loud videoke singing, talking, and laughing outside like the mosquitos. They are partying, too, like there is no tomorrow. It's already midnight, and the people are still active and drinking. As if they don't have work tomorrow. At the same time, I am tossing and turning and forcing myself to sleep. I heard my stomach growl, and I was hungry again. I stood up, took my wallet inside my bag, and checked because I wanted to buy a biscuit to ease my hunger, but I felt dismayed when I saw my money; what my wife had done to me suddenly came into flashbacks. The day I caught her cheating inside my house, on our bed, she crushed me again, and right now, I am poorer than a rat. This is not the life that I wanted. This is not the life that I expected. I count my money because I know it is not enough. It will not last for long. That is why I need to do something about it before running out of money. So instead of going out to buy a biscuit. I will go out to find a job. I can't sleep anyway. I left dad with Simon, still sitting beside my sleeping dad. He was sitting the way he sat a while ago. His blood is still dripping, but it didn't get our blanket stained.

"Are you going to Jackie now?" Simon asked. I didn't mind him even though I knew his cold eyes were watching me. He is waiting for my answer. He is hoping for me to go to his wife. Jackie.

"Are you going to Jackie now?" He asked again when he saw me going out, but I still didn't mind him. He is not real, anyway. He just watched me go out and close the door.

I went out and started walking around with a P20.00 in my pocket. There are a lot of open cafeterias. Some are nightclubs, and one of the women wearing panty shorts and a backless shirt wave at me and gives me a flirty smile. I smile back and start walking again. I asked the store owners and cafeteria owners I saw open if they needed a helper, cook, manager, or any job they could offer me, but they just looked at me. If I was serious about the job I was asking for, they shook their heads and told me they didn't need me because they were not hiring.

I smelled the grilled chicken, which made me more hungry. I want to buy it, but my money is not enough, and I am saving it for tomorrow because I don't know what tomorrow can bring. That is why I kept walking until I got tired, and I took a deep breath and sat at the side of the road, thinking about what to do, but I couldn't think properly with a hungry stomach and a broken heart. I feel like I want to break down. My mind is clouded because of what is happening to me. I looked around, and I saw a four-story building. I decided to go up there with my anxiety and frustration. I want to think for a moment and clear my mind, but as I reach up, I look down—everything changes. The plan of clearing my mind changed once I looked down. I feel like jumping and ending my life because I feel useless, hopeless, and down. I am wondering, too, what I would be like on the other side. Maybe it is much better because my dream of having a happy family has gone because of the bitch I loved. I walked near the edge and felt the wind blowing on my face. In this cold, dark city, everybody is busy.

15

Nobody will give a damn if I jump off the building. I looked down, and I closed my eyes. I know it would be painful, but it will not last long. Not like now. I don't know when my pain will end. That is why I want to end it now. I jump off the building with my eyes closed.

"Bye world, bye, dad, and I am sorry", I whispered in my head while waiting for me to fall to the ground, but it took me ages to fall to the ground, and I felt like I had stopped falling. I opened my eyes to see what was going on, and I was surprised that I was only an inch facing the ground and one inch apart from falling. I didn't know why I didn't fall. I am floating, or something is holding me from falling.