When The Ocean Waves Called Out To Me

What I Want To Ask

There is a kind of waiting that feels like gentle onshore breezes kissing salty stones, not so warm, but there is a sense of calm, of nature, of things expected. Then there is the kind that feels like the head of a medieval mace is loose in my guts and my head has taken a beating with a hefty plank of wood. And as I wait for the long four periods to come to an end, it is the latter.

As Akihiko-kun was new in class, I thought that it would take some time for him to adjust here in a classroom unknown to him. But as it seems, he performed way over my expectations.

It was obvious from when he walked into the class, that he was a popular type back in his previous school, and he isn't giving a second thought of performing that role here too. All the girls in the class were fawning over him to get his phone number and social media ID, as if he was some kind of celebrity.

But what caught my eyes is how he can act so friendly all of a sudden to people he has met for the first time. As if this scenario was already played in his mind once, and he is just repeating that play again in front of everyone.

That's why I hate the popular boys. They have this otherworldly charm which attracts every girl around them, like a magnet attracting its opposite pole. And when you talk to them, they act all innocent, as if it wasn't even their intention to begin with.

Well I wasn't going to give in to his spells so easily, so I stayed on my desk, trying not to give any attention to his existence in the class at all.

Actually I might have been jealous, jealous of the fact that on my first day as a transfer student, not so many of my classmates approached to befriend me. All I could remember was that it was only Sakura with whom I would talk or have lunch with, and it has been like that to this day.

Though I never had any intention of trying to seek other people's attention. Becoming friends with people whom you never knew before isn't my specialty. If friendship is a bond of an invisible string, then either I am not a perfect weaver to weave those fabrics of friendship, or I have long-lost my resolve to tend to these invisible bonds.

Because of that I didn't make that many friends to begin with.

"Damn, whenever I talk about myself, why does it always get so depressing?"

I thought with quite a contemplation, as I was idly swinging my legs like the pendulum of a clock. The fourth period felt rather long, as if a day had passed by for the bell to ring. But just when the bell had finally rung, and I was going to get up on my feet, Hina-san and her group, as well as Akira-kun, Ryou-kun and Sakaguchi-kun, gathered around him and joined their desks together. As it seemed, they just came to have lunch with him. On the other hand Akihiko-kun didn't even budge for a second, as he happily took them on their offer.

Seeing all of them sitting around Akihiko-kun, all the courage I had built up till now got washed away, as if someone poured a bucket of cold water right on top of me. I clammed to my seat, minding my own meal. Sometimes I would glance at him to see if I could get a chance. But I can't just go and talk to him if there are so many of them around, they will just get in my way.

"What should I do now?!?!"

Time went by, but I couldn't just stir up the courage to go and talk to him. I closed my eyes and drew in a lung full of the air around me, letting the sound of the chirping bird fill my ears instead of the ticking of the clock. I just had to build my heart to take the leap, but even that seems quite impossible now.

But right before the recess was about to end, as if Kami-sama was finally willing to show me some mercy, Hina-san and the others had finally gone back to their seats.