if i were quiet... -Bokuaka-

shower (tw sh)

,,Bokuto-san we need to go to school. i cant skip school.'' he was still trying to argue with him, hes a bit scared but hes more scared of his parents when they would find out that he skipped school. ,,Akaashi you did not sleep and you always care about me, so i need to thank you in some way'' maybe hes rigth, Akaashi always takes care of him but never of himself, he cant even remeber when he took care of hisself. Kenma and Bokuto-san where the only ones who took care of him, mostly Kenma since he knows about his secret, is it unfair to Bokuto that he doesnt know..? he started to look up to Bokuto after sitting down, maybe he should tell him? It would be fair, theyre best friends since years ,but what if he sees Akaashi as an other person after that?

,,Akaashi,is everything alrigth?'' his best friend asked with a worry in his voice, Akaashi noticed that he was starring, he looked away in a hurry noticing how his cheeks got warm. ,,Iam fine, just tired, nothing special'' he sighed and looked down to the floor ,,would it be okay if I take a shower? I usually take a shower in the morning'' he slowly looked up to bokuto who was trying to meet his eyes. ,,Yeah you can, do you want to have some of my clothes? I dont think chilling in our uniforms is comfi'' Akaashi just nodded and stood up grabing his bag while Bokuto took out some clothes for him ,,thank you Bokuto-san'' he said as he bow down ,,Akaashi how many times did i tell you that you can stop bowing down? were best friends,you dont need to be so polite with me'' Bokuto said that while having a warm smile on his face, it made Akaashi smile a bit but he just shrugged while going to the bathroom.

tw selfharm if it triggers you please skip this part

Akaashi entered the bathroom throwing his bag on the floor, he felt bad. really bad. why couldnt he just tell Bokuto that hes trans? bokuto would accept him,he knows that but hes still scared. he ttied to shove that thougth asside,it wasnt a good idea since the first thing he saw after that was his body. He just wanted to get his thougth on Bokuto again but he couldnt,seeing all his scars on his body,which looked feminine, made him want to cry, but he couldnt. Bokuto would notice if he cried. He wanted to look away from it but he couldn't, he touched some of his scars, it hurts seeing them but he couldnt control hisself before reaching out for the razor, it was to late. He took out the blade and slowly put it on his body,cutting hisself,starting on his uper thighs till near his hips,it hurts,it hurts so much but he couldnt stop anymore,he started to cry,it was silent,a silent cry for help. The help he needed but couldnt get, he could scream for Bokuto,but at the same time he couldnt. He couldnt see him like this,it would break bokuto,akaashi cant risk it,he cant risk it that bokuto would see him as an other person,as an person that he's not,the person he never was. The only thing he could do is trying to get into the shower,wash the blood of his body and hope bokuto wouldnt notice anything,and as said he did. Nearly crying because of the pain,it hurts so much, he couldnt even really stand on his feet whiile showering but he made it.

after the shower he started to look after his bandages in his bag,he actually used them to bind but he needed to bandage hos body now, ,, i will just hope that bokutos hoodie will cover up the rest of my body'' he mumbled to hisself while trying to be as carefull as possible. It was hard yes but could he change it? no. not at all,its not even his fault,but he grew up beeing blamed for everything and anything.

tw end

bokuto was laying down in his bed,watching something on his phone but immeadintly looking towards akaashi as soon as he enterted the room ,,is everything okay? i heard something falling down but didnt want to disturb you'' wait what? bokuto would have normaly run into the shower to see if everything is okay,does he know? he cant..why would he know? he shook his head while slowly putting his bag down again ,,i just slipped,its fine dont worry'' he took his phone before closing up his bag and walking up to bokutos bed to sit down. ,,but you didnt hurt yourself?'' he had a worry on his face,akaashi knew bokuto asked because he ,slipped' which he didnt. ,,iam fine bokuto-san dont worry alrigth?'' he looked bokuto in the eyes,his eyes were full of worry ,,bokuto-san dont worry about me iam fine,really'' he tried to smile a bit so bokuto would think that he is fine,hes not but hes not allowed to know that. Bokuto smiled back at him and putted his phone asside. ,,akaashi you should smile more,it suits you'' akaashi looked away,emberassed but he couldnt stop smiling at this point,what was this feeling? he never really felt it before.

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iam still alive woho,sorry didnt really had ideas to contuine this chpater since it was way to soon for akaashis outing ao here we are,what happend in this chapter is based on my own experiences that i've made,but dont worry iam fine

thanks for reading<33