dark paradise - pablo gavi

06

!tw mention of SH!

It's been two days since my encounter with Pablo and it's all I can think about. It's so bad that my knees sometimes get weak and everytime I see anything related to football it's ALL I can think about. I knew it wasn't healthy but I couldn't help but wonder whether he thought about it at all?

I was sitting at my desk drawing in my notebook. I love drawing birds, my mum taught me how to draw all kinds of birds, cardinals, blackbirds, ravens, finches, pretty much any kind you could think of. I sketched them out and then coloured them in with watercolour. My mum thought I was really talented and special. My mum's favourite bird was a blue bird. I rarely drew out in public because I knew I would get bullied for it. In my old school, in Manchester, some year 10's stole my notebook and made fun of my drawings. I have to say that was my breaking point since my dad had left and my mum had been diagnosed. I was still embarrassed about the fact I liked to draw birds.

I was getting bored of sitting in my room so I decided to go out to a cafe. I brought my notebook and watercolour supplies and headed to a little cafe I found on google maps. I had my headphones and I was blasting roslyn through my headphones on repeat. I loved that song so much. I arrived at the cafe and ordered a caramel latte. I sat down at a table in the corner of the shop. I started sketching a blue bird.

Many people always thought I was perfect, perfect grades, perfect house, perfect family, perfect life but most people don't know the true story. The first 10 years of my life were pretty great but everything went downhill from that. Like I said my dad left, my mum got cancer, Pique cheated on Shakira and I was depressed.

When I was 14 I started getting bullied and I didnt have many friends. My best friend, Bea, moved away to live in Germany so I was alone. It got worse when my dad left, I even started to SH. I was at such a low point in my life. I got better quickly with therapy and I hadn't done it in 2 years. I didn't tell my mum because I didn't want her to worry even more. It had almost always been me and my mum. I felt lost. I didn't want to come here because I knew Pique would judge me, just like he always judged my mother. My mother said two things while she was on her deathbed. Always turn the page and turn the pain into power. I promised her I would listen, and I did. I acted like I didn't care and I was a fearless girl but on the inside I wasn't. I was just a girl. 

I was at the cafe for a long time playing with my thoughts until I finished my blue bird. I didn't wanna go home yet so I decided to take a walk by the beach. I used to love the beach but the beaches here are very different to the ones in england. I used to have a cat called Pixie, she ran away when I was 12. I loved her alot even though she once scratched me across my hip, it left a massive scar. I look like I did something badass but in reality I just got scratched by Pixie.

I walked along the shore, the wind blowing through my hair and the sun rays beaming on my face. I sat on the rock I sat on the other day with Shakira when we had our talk. I'm very grateful for Shakira. I love her dearly.

I was sitting on the rock still thinking about Shakira but imagining it was Pablo sitting next to me instead of her. I barely know the boy but there's something about him that drives me mad and I don't know if it's a good thing.

Just as I was about to leave I saw a bird fly past me.

A Blue Bird. 

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hope you liked that chapter!!!! 

sorry that it was a filler and short but I promise the next chapter is worth it!

ly x