Fluffy Fanfics for the Camren Fanatic

What Does It Feel Like?

"What does a real kiss feel like?"
Lauren looked down at the small brown haired girl cuddled into her side.

"What did you just say Camz?"

"I asked what a real kiss felt like," Camila responded looking up with her big brown orbs, staring into Lauren's blueish/gray ones.

"Camz you've had a real kiss? With Austin?" the raven haired girl responded, a bit confused by Camila's question.

Camila wiggled her arm out from underneath Lauren's back. They were currently laying down in their hotel room on Lauren's bed, watching whatever godforsaken horror movie caught Lauren's eye. Camila hated horror movies but of course she would watch one for Lauren's sake. She didn't get to spend a lot of time with the older girl due to Dinah's consistent whining of how she needed to room with the younger girl or a multitude of allegations suggesting she and Lauren were a secret couple in love being forced to stay closeted by their management or rather lack of management.

Unfortunately for Camila however the rumors were one hundred percent true. She was in love with Lauren. She had been for a long time and things weren't getting any easier for her considering Lauren's constant flirting with guys and sometimes girls right in front of Camila's face. Camila always had to shrug it off and pretend like it didn't bother her until she could finally return to her hotel room in whatever state, city or country the girls were currently in and cry into her pillow or the slightly more comforting arms of one of her best friends.

Camila had known Austin had liked her and after a while, she started to gain feelings back for him. She figured if Lauren couldn't love her she should get over the pale skinned beauty and move onto someone who she could actually be with. She had allowed Austin to be her first kiss, her first relationship and almost her first time. That was until she had found out that he had been stringing her along for the entirety of their relationship, just to make Becky G jealous.

Camila had trusted him. She told him her secrets. Let him hold her when she was sad. She had given him firsts that she would never be able to redo or get back. Now she was stuck going through life knowing forever that her first kiss was a sham. An act of pity or an opportunity just for the hell of it. It meant nothing to the person she gave her all to.

"He didn't love me," Camila responded as tears started to pool in her eyes.

"Camzi please don't cry. He's an asshole. He didn't deserve you," Lauren quickly retorted, pulling the smaller girl into her lap as she carefully rubbed up and down her tanned arm.

"He didn't want me, Lauren. Don't you get that? I gave him my everything and what does he give me in return? A broken heart and a multitude of empty, meaningless kisses. I'll never know what it's like to kiss someone who really, truly loves me the way I love them because I'll always be stuck wondering if I'm just being played again or if it's real. I have to live for the rest of my life being scared of being left again. Of being used again. I have to play the role of a strong person. There are too many people out there who are looking to me for guidance. Who are watching me to make sure that I'm happy and that I'm stronger then what he put me through. I'm over him. Dear god am I over him, Lauren. But I'm not over how much he fucked me up. I'm fucked up. I'm a mess. I overanalyze. I fall in love too quick. I suffocate with emotions and feelings. I'm constantly too much for people to handle because I'm trying to get in every last 'I love you' or 'I need you' before they leave. I expect people to leave. I plan for that. How fucked up is that? That I plan on people leaving and I rush things before I even let them develop? How did he fuck me up that much, Lauren?"

"Camila don't you fucking say that," Lauren started, turning the younger girl around so they were facing each other, "you're not fucked up. He's the fucked up one for doing all of this to you. You are worth so much. You feel so deeply and so completely and that's one of my favorite things about you. You have been through so much and yet you still allow yourself to fall in love. Maybe not with the right people or maybe not at the right time, but you still allow yourself to feel and I promise you, Camila, you will get kissed by someone who is very much in love with you."

"How do you know?" Camila cried through a waterfall of tears streaming down her mascara covered face.

Camila waited for Lauren to speak again however she didn't get a response with words. She instantly felt the older girl's lips on her own and closed her eyes. She had gotten her answer. She no longer would have to wait for a meaningful kiss because with every new position of the older girl's lips and every quiet moan that escaped her own, she knew Lauren had been the one all along.
______________________________________________________________
I got the idea for this from my own personal experience. I've only kissed one person ever and she was my first love. Unfortunately for me the kiss didn't mean anything to her and she ended up telling me that she never loved me and only fucked with my emotions for fun and kissed me out of pity. This was about three years ago and I'm over her but I still think about her or the kiss from time to time and it's a hard thing to process. So many people view kissing as just a silly thing that means nothing. There's nothing wrong with that but to me, kissing has always been one of the most intimate things you can do with another person. You're starting two separate people and becoming one life force in a matter of seconds so to speak. You're having a beautiful, meaningful, wonderful conversation without even muttering a word to each other. Kissing can help you say all the things you wish you could without having the voice to say it. I wrote this so I didn't feel so alone and to give me hope that maybe one day things may be a bit different.Hopefully you all liked it.