He who Cannot Pursue

Chapter One

(Adult content and sensitive topics are in this story do not read if one does or does not apply to you)

I live by on others. I have multiple bad habits that are killing me slowly. I have no care though. I want to die, but not by pills, a knife, or a gun, I'll do it chasing a feeling. I'm in love with the misery of my life. It's all I've ever known now for awhile. My motivation is my fix on my choice of poison.

My friend Phil, who's couch I have been sleeping on, passes me an oil glass pipe and a lighter.

"Let her rip man before you gotta work." I looked at what time it was and realized I had to head out soon. I flicked the lighter and motioned it circular on the bottom of the pipe. I puff and puff and ah, there I was.

"God damn," I had to say my compliments to the chief, "This shits better than what homeboy was giving me before." I flicked the lighter again about to take another hit.

"I told you man, I'm the best at this shit." Phil had a good laugh off of his compliment.
I blew out the intoxicated smoke towards the ceiling. My lips were now chapped and I felt a surge of energy in me. I handed Phil back his pipe and lighter.

"Hey man, I gotta head out for work now," I stood up from the couch and headed to the door," Today's my payday so I'll give you a 60 after I cash out." I proceeded to head out to work.

As I walk to work I listen to my jams and think about getting off of work and getting to have a blow out when I get back to Phil's place.
Suddenly my nose felt a little droplet of water. All day it had been cloudy and grey. Which made it a great day to think about my life as I head in for my shift.
My mind goes places I tell you.
It's a place that a sober individual thats never touched what I've touched, can comprehend.
It's such a shitty feeling. I really think about what's the point of being here anymore. I have no family, I have some pretty ok friends but, it's me that makes my life need life support.
I'm the issue and I hate knowing that.
Being my own bringer of more issues, why should I even be alive? How can I prosper from this all alone? I could really, I could... But I won't, I've lost my will to care about myself well being. I'm not alone feeling this way. Millions of people feel this pointless black and white perspective that I have. Yet we all have our different stories to tell because, we are all in the same ocean just different boats.

I made it to work but that's just my thought process when my body is in a solitude. I clock in, take off my coat and begin stocking up the shelves of the gas station. If I hadn't mentioned, I work at an AM PM a couple blocks away from Phil's.

I work just about everything in this store. It's now around 9pm and my boss Lindsey walks over to check on me before she leaves.

"You need anything before I head out?"

"No, I'm all good," I empty out the mop bucket, "Do I need to count the drawers tonight?"

Lindsey nods, "yeah I didn't have time earlier, Sorry," I know that's bullshit, "But anyways, could you possibly stop by my place tonight?"She puts on her hoodie and moves any hair that was Infront of her face out of the way.

"For what?" I ask, I knew what she was asking for though. I'd been screwing my boss for sometime now and it really benefits me cause that's how I'm getting paid almost 20 bucks an hour.

"You know what I want Creed..." She boops my nose," I'll see you later." She moves her hips as she walks in an erotic way but baby, I don't wanna be in-between your muffin top again.

I'm helping out the last customer that walked in and I feel the comedown. It's the worst feeling I'll ever get. I need Phil to stop by and give me some. After the customer gets out I quickly take out my phone and text Phil.

Aye man can you stop by and drop Christina off?

Christina is a name I came up for it. Phil replies back.

Phil: Can I grab some stuff off of your shelves?

You know I'll let you grab whatever.

Phil: Alright, I'm gonna have someone new come tag along so... Don't act stupid and I'll see you in 10.

Alright.

I start to feel uneasy now about this person. Whatever though, they'll probably fuck over Phil and never will I have to see them again. I just get uneasy cause I don't know who the are so whatever their intentions are I would have no clue until shown.
Last time Phil knew someone I didn't, I had to break their mindset. She fucked with my boy and I. And its always girls with him, he's usually fucked their skulls out so he's easily pussy whipped.
Not me, there's not a damn woman that could whip me though, Lindsey gets it from me cause I'm bored and I need sexual relief.
While I wait for Phil, I had nothing else to do. I just drew on my hand out of boredom. After that I step outside for a smoke and Half way on my cigarette Phil shows up and so does she...