GUILT || tokyo rev.

♡ prologue_

❝ 𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐍 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐃. ❞

⇢《 a zombie has been born. 》⇠

Breathing, Senju looked into the bathroom mirror. She looked disheveled and unorganized; her hair wasn't brushed, and her clothes consisted of nothing but a baggy t-shirt and women's boxer shorts. She wasn't wearing any shoes, so the soles of her feet and toes felt the cold touch of the hardwood floor. Cold air blew through the open hallway; the air conditioner was on blast due to today's hot weather. The bathroom door was open, but Senju paid no mind to it.

Her heart was buried deep within her chest. Her eyes were baggy and swollen, and it was clear that she had been crying for quite some time. Rarely could she sleep, so she spent her morning minutes— although it was late in the afternoon right now— applying light makeup to hide any visible tiredness. However, she had already washed away said makeup with soap and water some time ago.

Eyes furrowed, she couldn't help but wonder what was so wrong with her. She knew the answer, of course, as she tended to blame herself before considering the fault of others, leaving her in a cycle of self-doubt and guilt about her own abilities. She was confident in nothing but her strength, plastering a façade of extroversion in order to hide the piles of insecurities that tugged at her strings.

The entire present and future were entirely her fault. If she had not lied to Manjirou on that one unforgettable day, then maybe her brother wouldn't have disowned her. Maybe he would have still loved her. Maybe he wouldn't be as bad of a person as he is now.

Senju blamed herself for all of it. Every bad happening plagued her conscience as she continuously drowned herself in her own guilt. The domino effect of her one action haunted her daily, and no longer could she handle the heavy grief.

Tears dripped from her eyes as memories flooded, her right hand gripping her chest with a tight squeeze as she felt her heart twist in remorse. Her breathing grew ragged, and eventually, she was left gasping for air. It was all her fault.

She knew that her older brothers wouldn't be home for at least six more hours, which gave her the perfect opportunity to let out all of that bottled-up stress into a flow of uncontrollable emotion. Her raw feeling deluded her, and maybe losing control of herself this one day was a bad idea, as she didn't even realize the moment when her left hand went for the drawers, taking out a bottle of prescribed medication that her doctor had given her.

For eight, long minutes, she stared at it. Choking on her own sobs, she contemplated her entire reason for existence. Why she had tried so hard to push forward each and every day, to remain determined and upbeat. It was all because she wanted to atone for her sins. To be forgiven. But she failed. She lost the fight against Terano South, and now the entirety of Brahman has left her. Now both of her brothers had abandoned her, and she couldn't even bring herself to tend to her own needs, instead focusing all of her energy on supporting Hanagaki Takemichi.

But did he even need her? No, Senju couldn't believe that he did. There was no winning against Sano Manjirou, so all of his efforts would be useless. That was something that she knew. Something that was scarred into her being since that day.

So there was no point.

Absolutely. No. Point.

Senju couldn't even process the very moment when she unscrewed the bottle, dumping the pills into her mouth before sitting on the bathtub's edge. A few pills had fallen onto the floor, but she paid no mind to it. She didn't want to think anymore. She didn't want to remember anymore.