Red Widow

Part 6

POV Luna

Then Nat went to her room with the bags in one hand and me in the other.

POV Nat

I sat Luna down on my desk chair and went to my closet to get some clothes. "Do you have to go to the toilet first?" I noticed how Luna winced and apparently didn't expect the question, but the answer I only got was a shrug. I sat down on the bed in front of Luna and started in the bags for sports gear for Luna." You don't know when you have to go to the bathroom ?" She nodded, tears in her eyes. I have to say that's unusual for a seven-year-old girl. "Em... Okay, how was it before, so in the red room ?" I noticed how uncomfortable she was about the topic and therefore gave her a little help so that she only had to nod. "Did you have diapers ... or were you regularly sent to the toilet ?"She shook her head "Okay em... could you control it before or..." no reaction. So I was right. "You could control it before?" She nodded, still seeming to find the subject silly. But that makes sense I've read about children simply unlearning or forgetting something like this during traumatic events or major life changes and both can be the case with Luna - a change as well as a trauma "It's not bad, you'll learn again, don't worry, but until then do you have to wear the diaper?" I could see that she didn't like this statement because she pulled up her legs and tears ran down her cheeks. "Okay if you can actually do it I'll just give you a diaper you go to the bathroom throw one away and put the other one on okay?" I asked but she didn't react. After what felt like an eternity she shook her head. "What do you mean... Talk to me Luna, what's wrong?" "I don't know myself! Everything's different since you've been here and I just couldn't cope with it ... Because nobody actually wants me here ... Neither you nor Morgan nor Yelena ... You only have me out of pity taken with me" She got up with a flourish and I noticed how she fell over under the pain in her leg. However, I was able to catch her. When I held her with one hand, she pushed herself off me and ran out of the room. I think that's the first thing time that she has actually told me how she feels and I didn't know whether to be hurt by the words or proud of the courage she had to say the words, but I thought it best in the situation to be alone for now So he started putting things in the closet.

POV Luna

I just wanted to get away, away from everyone. I ran headless through the aisles. I lost my bearings a long time ago. Somehow I came to a glass door that opened onto the roof of the tower. I tried the doorknob, but the door wouldn't open. So I took my knife with me, which I got back, even though Nat told me not to do this under any circumstances, for whatever reason. After all, it's mine. So I took my knife and picked the lock on the door within seconds. I opened the door and went to the roof. I looked around and then sat on the edge of the roof, dangling my legs in the air. I'm glad Nat didn't follow me. Maybe she understands me better than I thought. Was I too loud too cheeky? Will she hurt me now? Will she send me away All these questions went through my head and without realizing it, tears ran down my cheeks. Am I really so broken and hurt that I need therapy? Should I maybe just run away? After some time I came back to reality and realized that it was already dark and snowing. I looked around when I saw Yelena closing the door with two blankets of hands. I got up quickly and wanted to get out of the situation again when Yelena called out to me. "Oh come on Luna I even brought blankets!" I stopped and hesitated: what did she want from me? Did Nat send her? "Why are you here?" I said without turning around. "I was looking for you and wanted to talk to you, you wanted to train and didn't come." "Why didn't you go to Nat's, she knows everything! Talk to her?" "I did, but she just said she messed it up again and she wanted to leave you alone for a little while," she said in a calm tone, sitting on the edge of the roof. "Come on sit next to me you have to freezing" I hesitated a bit again, but then I wiped the tears from my face and sat down next to her. She smiled straight at me and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders. I just sat there and said nothing. After a while she put an arm around me and pulled me to her.We were still sitting on the roof when Yelena broke the silence. "Do you want to tell me what Nat did?" "She didn't do anything wrong...it was all me" I trailed off towards the end but she seemed to hear me anyway as she went straight to a new question. "Do you want to tell me what you did?" I shook my head. You can't tell anyone that. "Is it because of the therapy and toilet thing?" I nodded tentatively and the first tears fell down my cheeks. "You can't cry or I'll have to cry too" she said smiling while wiping the tears from my face. "How about you just go to her and apologize ?" I shook my head. "I can't do that, I was way too disrespectful for an apology to be enough." "I don't think so, let's go to Nat now and then you apologize" without waiting for an answer, she pulled me upstairs and pushed me towards the glass door. I reluctantly walked through the door and headed back toward Nat's room. I turned and looked at her. Our eyes met and a shiver ran down my spine. I knew I couldn't change her mind but it was worth a try. "Can we have something to eat first?" I looked down. I couldn't hold her gaze any longer. "But then we'll go to Nat's!" I nodded and she looked down at me pityingly. I started towards the kitchen but just then pain shot through my foot again and I sank to my knees. I was about to get up again when two arms picked me up. It was Yelena who walked me into the kitchen and sat me down on one of the stools. Now she knows about the foot thing too. She knows all that I need therapy, can't go to the bathroom and can't even walk properly and as if that wasn't enough a few minutes later I saw Nat come out of the kitchen. "Great ..." I said more to myself. Nat put the plate down and came towards me. "Luna there you are! Can we talk for a moment?" I shrugged, although I actually wanted to shake my head . "In the living room?" she asked, pointing towards the living room "Do we need to talk now?" "No, it's alright, we'll talk when you're ready," she said. She gave me a brief smile, but I saw the sadness in her eyes before she walked out of the kitchen. "Nat wait... please!" I called after her as I jumped off the stool onto the floor. Unfortunately, I forgot my broken foot and went down on my knees again from the pain. But as always, Nat was there. She slowly walked towards me as if she might scare me and carefully lifted me onto her lap.POV Nat"What did you want to tell me?" I asked her, but she didn't say anything. She started crying uncontrollably and pressed her face against my shoulder. I didn't want to force her to talk, so I just hugged her and rubbed her back. After another five minutes I got up and went to my room. Yelena, who saw us, just smiled and then disappeared back into the kitchen. When I closed my room door and went towards the bed, I noticed Luna pressing me closer and closer. I sat down sat on the edge of the bed and said nothing. After what felt like an eternity, I heard Luna mumbling something into my shoulder. After listening carefully, I recognized it. She repeated the phrase "I'm sorry" over and over in tears. She just couldn't calm down, so I just sat her down next to me on the bed, hoping to be able to talk to her now. "Sorry for what?" "Everything," she answered curtly. "How about we talk tomorrow?" I asked her as it just didn't make sense now and got a small nod. "But first I have to change your diaper" she shook her head violently. "It's nothing bad, I promise and I only have to do it until you can do it again okay?" Now she just shrugged her shoulders again and seemed a little more confident than before. I took a changing mat and wipes from one of the shopping bags and a diaper. I looked at her and realized that she was starting to feel awful again, so I decided to tell her what I was doing first. "So you lay on that, okay?" I said pointing to the changing pad.She nodded and lay down on it. Then I undid her pants and was just about to pull them down when I realized with what a panic she looked at me. She sat down and I let go of her pants to reassure her. "It's fine, I'm not doing anything bad, what are you afraid of?" "Does that hurt?" she asked me with fear in her voice. "No, absolutely not! It might tickle a bit though" I said and tickled her stomach lightly which made her laugh slightly. It was nice to see her laughing. A moment when everything seemed ok. "Can I continue Luna?" I asked to make sure I didn't startle her. She nodded and I took off her pants. I looked her in the face a few times so as not to do anything wrong, but while she didn't seem to like it, it didn't seem to annoy her at all. After I finished wrapping her she seemed relieved. She sat up seeming absent-minded. "Would you like to sleep with me again tonight?" I asked her after putting the diapers in the bathroom. But I didn't get an answer, which surprised me. I came out of the bathroom and saw Luna sleeping in the middle of my bed and as expected with my thumbs in my mouth. I had to smile. It looked really cute lying there. Surrounded by pillows, you almost didn't recognize her. I got one of her blue pajamas from the closet and sat on the bed. I didn't want to wake her so I picked her up carefully and changed her clothes. After that I put her back on the bed and changed myself. As I lay down on the bed I turned to my bedside table and got a pacifier that I bought. I turned over to her and slowly pulled her thumb out of her mouth, but she woke up and looked at me sleepily. "Sorry Luna, but you have to take your thumb out of your mouth" "But why?" she asked me blankly "It's fine, but you can take the pacifier" she shook her head turned away from me and put her thumb back in her mouth. "Luna" I said more sternly than I wanted to and turned her back to me. "Sorry I won't do it again" she said bowing her head. "It's not good, but try the pacifier and if you don't like it then you don't take it and we'll look for something else ok?" She nodded and I gave her the pacifier. She took it and gave me a askew look, ignorant what to do with it. I took it from her and guided it towards her mouth. She still didn't know what to do, so I had to smile a little. "You have to put it in your mouth" I said and had to again smile at their ignorance. She took in my hand and the pacifier in her mouth. I nodded to her and lay back down. She took her stuffed animal and lay down as well. To my amazement, she laid her head on my chest. "May I lie down like this?" she asked shyly, the pacifier falling out of her mouth. "If you want to." She nodded, put the pacifier back in her mouth and I noticed how she fell asleep after a while. I watched her for a while. What must she have been through to make her so scared of trusting anyone? After much pondering, I fell asleep.

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