Over Again

Chapter 11

Liam's P.O.V.

I opened my eyes and saw Trisha sitting by my side. She brushed my hair trying to comfort me.

"What's wrong love?" She said while giving that immaculate motherly smile.

"You know that Zayn is my problem." I started

"He... I..." I tried to continue but the tears started to pour again.

I tried to hide it with the pillow on my hand. This time the tears came with shivers. My body's shaking uncontrollably. Memories were flooding my head once more supplying my dried eyes with fresh tears ready to overflow and dampen my pillow.

"It's okay love. I've been watching and I know what you're going through. Tell me anything so that you'll feel better. You boys have been here often and you are a big impact on my Zaynie that you are no strangers to this home." Trisha's giving me one of the best motherly speeches ever. "You are all my sons and we'll help you get through this." She continued.

Everything she said hitting me and my chest fully huffing for air, strengthening my sobs.              

She is like my mother. Karen always had a way to hit me straight to my heart. Each word leaving her mouth struck me like pins and needles but in a good way. Soothing, like acupuncture, relieving and has a punch like drinking a Jack Daniels straight from the bottle.

                I wanted to tell her but how could I?  How could I tell my mate's mother that I lost my bestfriend because I didn't know how to get him back? How could I tell the mother of the person I love that I love his son? How can I tell her that I truly love him and I want him back in my life even if it's just a friend? I don't know how to tell her. I just couldn't. I love him in every way. I know it's real because it hurts so much. At this point every inch of my body is utilized in my grieving, the pit of my stomach forming knots.

                Those words I said in my headed echoed in my entire being. It hurt so much but it was the truth. After a few seconds I noticed that Trisha stopped rubbing my hair and stopped trying to comfort me.

                I pulled down my pillow and peeked at Trisha. Her hand was still in my hair but she had a confused and surprised expression. What happened? I sat up

"what's wrong? What happened?"

There was a completely deafening silence in the entire room although it was in the middle off the day.

"Trisha?" I tried to get her attention which seemed to work. She shook her head

 "oh yeah sorry love, yeah I hear you, but did you really mean that?"

"What would I have meant to say?" Now I was the one confused

I paused....

Did I even talk? I asked myself, trying to shake my brain for the last thing I said.

Wait.

Dear god.

Tell me I didn't.

I widened my eyes till the edge of my eyeball sockets.

I looked at her and asked. "Was I thinking out loud?"

She just nodded twice.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I cried a little bit more mixed with emotions of embarrassment, sadness, anxiety and anger. I can't believe I let my secret slip out of my  mouth. I covered my face to hide any or every emotion I'm feeling.

                "No. No. No. Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong" She continued. " You've done nothing wrong. I'm glad you now that you've told me what burden you have been carrying for all this time. You were strong and brave. I would never hate you for loving my son." Her words once again gave me comfort and warmth. I see where Zayn compassionate nature came from. She hugged me and rubbed just underneath the nook at my neck. Every circular motion sent a wave of calmness. I felt happy that someone else knows and that they understand.

                After a few minutes the tears finally left and in turn my nostrils flared up and my eyes still red from the tears. Everything, all the frustration finally out. I still don't know what to do but I can finally breathe.

I was trying to enjoy my new found relief but it was disturbed by a sound. I put aside my look of annoyance and looked at the caller ID. "It's Paul" Trisha acknowledge by a nod and a smile.

I pressed answer call "Hello? This is Liam."

"Liam, I know you're still enjoying your holiday but the management just called in and we have to keep your engagements for the next week. So I need you and the boys to be back and ready for Tuesday." Paul continued "By Monday you need to travel back to London. We have a lot of catching up. Alright see you when I see you. Bye" I heard a beep and the call was eneded.

"Nice to hear from you too." I tried to keep my sarcasm to a minimum.

"What did he want, love?" Trisha asked.

"They want us back on Monday" I answered.

"M, what are ya gonna do with Zayn?" Concern emanating from her words.

"I still don't know. No Clue whatsoever. Anyway, I'm knackered from all that sobbing, maybe we'll talk it off in the future. If I survive that long." I tried to include humor but failed.

"You'll fix it. I know you will. Better rest I'll call for you when dinner is ready. You should better take a nap.