Let them go

Chapter 20

Lucy POV

My heart was racing.

Sienna lied? Ezra was okay? Why would she do that? Why would she lie to me?

“Lucy, love, talk to us, please.” Liam’s soft voice made me look up at my brothers.

I was completely wrapped up in their arms. Theo kept kissing the top of my head. Noah kept rubbing my back soothingly.

“What didn’t you tell us, Lucy?” Ezra repeated his question softly.

Oh, God.

I had to tell them about the notes. Nothing was stopping me now.

Right?

“Are you sick?” Theo asked, his voice laced with worry. “Is that what you didn’t tell us?”

I shook my head and gulped.

“She is not sick, Theo.” Noah sighed. “She threw up because she ate something bad.”

I glanced at my brother and felt a wave of guilt wash over me.

“That’s not exactly true.” I mumbled, looking down at my lap.

I could feel all of my brothers freeze.

“What do you mean by that?” Liam asked after a few silent moments.

I took a deep breath and looked up at my brothers.

It was now or never.

“I threw up because I panicked.” I said quietly. “I got really scared.”

Liam furrowed his eyebrows. Noah and Theo tightened their hold on me.

“Scared of what, honey?” Ezra asked as he caressed my cheek.

Suddenly, a wave of fear and sadness washed over me.

Would they be mad at me because I didn’t tell them sooner? Would they yell at me?

My heart clenched painfully, and my chest started hurting. I couldn’t breathe. My palms started sweating, and I couldn’t stop my body from trembling.

Liam must have noticed my panicked face because he cupped my cheeks gently.

“Breathe, baby, come on.” Liam said gently. “Breathe.”

I focused on his soothing voice and tried to take a deep breath.

“In and out, honey.” Ezra said. “Slowly, that’s it.”

I felt both Noah and Theo kiss me on the top of my head. I felt their hands holding me tightly. I focused on them, and soon I managed to breathe normally again.

“There you go, love.” Liam said, giving me a small smile. “Better?”

I gave him a small nod.

“You can tell us everything, love.” Liam said softly as he caressed my cheek. “We are a family. We will deal with it together. There is nothing that the five of us can’t solve.”

I nodded and leaned more into Theo and Noah.

Both of them tightened their hold on me.

“Before I tell you, I would like you to know that I didn’t hide this from you because I wanted to.” I said quietly. “I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I didn’t want to hurt Ezra even more. I didn’t want to hurt anyone any more than I already did.”

Ezra tightened his jaw and took a deep breath.

“You didn’t hurt me, honey.” Ezra said, and I could hear the anger in his voice. “Nothing that you did hurt me.”

“You didn’t hurt anyone, Lucy.” Liam added. “Why would you think that?”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

“I’ve been feeling guilty.” I mumbled as I opened my eyes and looked down at my lap. “I’ve been feeling like I put you in so much danger by coming back here. I’ve been feeling like you would be so much happier if I hadn’t come here and if you didn’t have to go through what you did with me. And after Sienna told me that Ezra wasn’t okay, all of that guilt just doubled. I started thinking that maybe the rest of you weren’t okay as well. I started thinking that maybe you would be better off without me. I started thinking that maybe I was too much for Liam to handle. Maybe…”

Theo stopped me by placing his hand over my mouth. I looked up at him and saw him staring at me wide-eyed.

“Are you crazy?!” Theo exclaimed loudly. “Do you know how much our lives sucked before you came back?! I was an angry fucker who kept fighting everything and everyone. Liam was always at work, and when he wasn’t, he was in his office with a glass of whiskey in his hand. Noah never smiled. Ezra kept trying to piece us back together, but he kept failing, and it frustrated him so fucking much that he wouldn’t fucking eat for days on end. You never fucking hurt us. You fixed us.”

Tears were streaming down my cheeks, and I wasn’t sure if they would ever stop.

“Lucy, love, you are our glue.” Liam said softly. “None of us would be happier if you weren’t here. We would still be miserable, like Theo described. We didn’t give you the nickname “Sunshine” just because. You really are our sunshine.”

“Getting through what we did was so fucking worth it.” Noah added. “I would go through much worse to get you back to me. I wish that you didn’t have to go through that, but I would go through it again if it meant that you were safe and with me.”

Ezra pulled me closer to him and kissed my temple.

“Thank you for trying to protect me, honey.” Ezra said softly. “I’m the luckiest brother in the world because I have you and our brothers. I am so fucking sorry that I let Sienna into our lives. I’m sorry that I let her make you feel like you had to protect us from your problems. I’m sorry that I let her make you feel like you couldn’t come to us. That isn’t and will never be true, Lucy. We love you so fucking much and we are always here for you.”

I wanted to tell Ezra that it wasn’t his fault, but all I could do was sob and bury my head in his chest. I felt the arms around me tighten. I felt my brothers leaning onto me and onto each other. I let them hold me as I sobbed quietly.

As soon as my sobs quieted down, Liam lifted my head gently.

“What did you hide from us, love?” he asked me softly. “I need you to tell us.”

I nodded and sat up straighter. I made sure to hold Noah and Theo’s hands.

“A few days ago, I found a note in my locker.” I started speaking quietly. “At first, I thought it was a prank, but then I found another one and realized that it wasn’t. While I was in the bathroom a little while ago, I got a text message.”

“What note?” Theo asked angrily.

“From whom, honey?” Ezra asked softly.

I took a deep breath and squeezed Noah and Theo’s hands.

“Jack and Brian.” I mumbled the names of the two people I feared the most in this world.