Let them go

Chapter 9

Lucy POV

Sienna’s words were stuck in my mind, and it was hard to get rid of them.

They were on a loop. I couldn’t stop them from repeating inside my head.

I knew that she was right. Her words made sense. Everything made sense.

It still hurt, though. I still couldn’t accept it.

I couldn’t accept that I hurt Ezra. I hurt my brother. I hurt my Bear. I hurt the person who always made me my favorite food. I hurt my big brother.

Sienna came over yesterday, and she showed me how to do a French braid. We talked a lot, and I asked her to tell me more about Ezra. I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to know how I could help my brother.

Sienna wasn’t direct. She knew that the truth would hurt me, so she tried to be as gentle as possible. She didn’t want to hurt me. But no matter how she said it, or how hard she tried not to hurt me, the truth was too painful for me.

Ezra changed after they found me. Ezra became tense and scared. He was worried all the time. He couldn’t sleep or eat properly. And it was all because of me.

How didn’t I notice that he wasn’t eating? Did the rest of my brothers notice? Were they hiding it from me? Why? Why didn’t they tell me? I could have helped them. I could have helped Ezra.

I remembered each and every time I bothered my brothers with some problem I was having. Looking back, none of those problems were worth destroying their health.

I’ve caused them so many problems. I’ve caused my brother’s health to deteriorate. I was nothing but a bother to them.

Sienna was so kind. She tried to reassure me. She tried to tell me that it wasn’t like that. She tried to tell me that it wasn’t my fault.

I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe her so badly. But I simply couldn’t.

The truth was in front of me, and I couldn’t ignore it.

I needed to stop worrying my brothers with my problems. From now on, I would go to them only if it was something major. Something big.

“Lucy?” Riley called my name.

I looked up at her and saw a worried look on her face.

“Are you okay?” she asked me quietly.

I glanced at my brothers. They were in a heated discussion about a video game. Theo was trying to explain something to Aiden, who kept rolling his eyes and huffing.

“I’m okay.” I said, looking back at Riley. “Just lost in thought.”

“What thought?” Riley asked. “You look sad.”

“I’m not.” I said, giving her a small, fake smile. “I’m just a little bit tired. I didn’t sleep well.”

I didn’t sleep at all. I kept thinking about Ezra and how he couldn’t sleep. I even thought about checking up on him, but I didn’t want to wake him up in case he managed to fall asleep.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Riley continued with her interrogation.

I wiggled in my seat nervously. She knew me really well, and I was afraid that she would see through my lie.

“No.” I said, shaking my head. “It was just one of those nights, you know. I couldn’t get comfortable no matter how hard I tried.”

Riley eyed me up and down before nodding and taking her fork back into her hand.

“What is going on with Aiden?” I asked her quietly as I glanced at our brothers.

Aiden was now explaining something to Theo. Theo was sighing and shaking his head. Noah was watching them with amusement in his eyes.

“We are working on it.” Riley sighed. “He is still anxious all the time, but he got a little bit more relaxed once I talked to him about it.”

“That’s great.” I said, giving her a small smile. “How are you handling it?”

I needed her to talk about her situation. I didn’t want her to ask about me again. She would figure out that I was lying to her.

“A little bit better after your advice.” Riley said, smiling at me. “You were right. I would go crazy if something happened to my brothers. I understand him better now. I still wish that he wasn’t anxious. I don’t like to see him tense and scared.”

My heart clenched painfully.

Tense and scared. Just like Ezra.

“I know.” I mumbled, looking down at my barely touched lunch. “It’s the worst feeling to see your brothers like that.”

Riley reached out and took my hand in hers.

“They will be okay.” she said softly.

I looked up at her and smiled.

“I know.” I said, squeezing her hand.

Ezra would be okay. I would make sure of it. All of my brothers would be okay. I wouldn’t put them in any kind of danger again.

“Why aren’t you eating?” I heard Noah’s worried voice.

I looked at him and saw the three of them staring at me. Noah and Aiden looked worried. Theo looked pissed.

“I’m not that hungry.” I said quietly. “I ate a lot at breakfast.”

“You ate a waffle, Lucy.” Theo said.

“I ate two.” I said, knowing that it was a lie.

I barely ate one.

Theo raised an eyebrow, making me sigh and look back down at my plate.

“Is something wrong, Lucy?” Noah asked worriedly.

“She said that she should get her period soon.” Riley said. “She could be feeling nauseous. I sometimes feel nauseous when I’m on my period.”

I looked up at Riley. She winked at me. She was trying to help me.

Thank you, Riles.

“Yes.” I said, looking at my brothers. “I’m just a bit nauseous, that’s all.”

Theo nodded, and Noah wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“Try to eat at least a bite or two.” Theo told me.

I nodded and looked back down at my plate.

Noah kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back softly.

I somehow managed to eat a little. Theo wasn’t happy, but he did say a bite or two, and I ate three so he couldn’t complain.

We were walking back to class when I remembered that I left my assignment in my locker. It was probably because I was so tired. If my head wasn’t attached to my body, I would forget that too.

“Shit.” I mumbled quietly as I stopped walking.

“What’s wrong?” Theo asked, turning around to look at me.

“I left my homework in my locker.” I said. “I need to go get it.”

“I’ll go with you.” Noah said, taking my hand in his.

“No, it’s okay.” I said, giving him a small smile. “I will be right back.”

“Okay.” Noah said, giving me a small smile.

I walked back to my locker, opened it, and reached inside for my assignment.

Something fell out of my locker.

I looked down and saw a white envelope.

I furrowed my eyebrows. I didn’t remember putting an envelope in my locker.

I bent down and picked up the envelope. I turned it around, and my heart stopped beating.

It was addressed to me, but the last name on the envelope was wrong.

It was addressed to Lucy Smith.