Crossroads

Why Try

    When it was you who choose me in the beginning. You had no idea what I had been through and what I have to deal with mentally or physically. We didn't date before I decided to open a ton of chapters in my life.

   When I meet you I had nothing to my name. Nothing to lose...I was already at rock bottom and use to being there. But you have no idea and you were blindside by the person I was outside of school. So when you chose me I had no idea you were interested in anything. And honestly after all these years it feel like "I won the game and she is my prize" kinda deal.

    I didn't even have the chance at freedom to even begin to find myself. Sometimes I feel like I left on cage to be in another cage. Not a single choice was might. Everyone always makes the choices for me and thinks they know what's best for me. How can I learn for myself if I never get the chance to take it....to be free?
To even find myself in the mess of my life so I can fly. To be the me I always wanted to be. And sometimes I feel as if you hold me back. But our goals are similar but not the same.

    I have a hard time believing we can move forward when our goals differ. Yes I understand we have tried to build a life. But it's not much of a life now is it? Now tell me what I one thing that we have accomplished together????I have a hard time answering that. 
  
    If it was meant to be it wouldn't be this way...we both are so scared to be alone. But even if it happen we would still be in each other's life's because of the family aspect of it. Don't you wanna find someone who is just as goal oriented as you are?? You literally stopped doing what you love because of me and now you have been stuck....stuck in a rutt I can not get you out of. And when you say I'm the cause of your pain everyday. Let me go and don't hold on if it hurts thats much. I ain't gonna fall far....I'm not made of glass...and neither is my ego.

   The only shitty thing I see is you went out of your way to choose me...only to turn around a year later and say.... "I wish I never married that bitch...." and now with still absolutely nothing you choose me and said that. I can never get over that. I thought I could learn to love you. But after those words I can never unhear...I decide to make it as easy as possible for you to let me go. So it would be my fault and not yours of why it didn't work out...but now I'm not sure. Did I really want out or did I just enjoy the safe of knowing you are loyal and could only hurt me with words....