Muse.

Crack

Soon the sky turns gray, and I feel myself coming down. I look down from the ceiling. My neck is stiff. I feel like a statue coming to life, shaking off plaster. The cold dawn light cuts everything into harsh edges. Nothing is glowing or singing anymore. The tiny thousandfold grid of the mosaic overwhelms me. The little dark lines between the painted tiles remind me of human hair. My organs feel sick. I have this vague sense of dread like I've done something horrible, only I can't remember. I don't know what I wanted, coming here last night, but I know that I didn't get it.

Across the cave, Armin is asleep. His head rests on the ledge. His chest swells from the still water then sinks. His mouth is open just a sliver. He looks younger, unburdened. He seems better off than me. I envy him that. I don't want to wake him, but the sun is rising, and we have work to do.

I crawl around the ledge to him on my knees. "Armin." I touch his shoulder. He opens his eyes, bloodshot, his pupils shrinking to pin points. "It's morning," I tell him.

He smacks his lips and sits up. I climb out and check my phone. It's 4:55 am. We set alarms for eight. Armin puts himself into bed. He pauses a moment before hitting the pillow and looks at me.

"I'm gonna go back to my room," I tell him.

He nods, pulling the covers over himself and surrendering to sleep in a single motion. I steal a long look at him. How nice it would be to sleep in here, with him.

"Goodnight," I say. He doesn't hear me.

Rain scatters across the wide glass of the living room window. My head pounds. I glance out at the valley. Somewhere behind the cloud cover, the sun is rising. Overnight, the snow has melted, and all the little peaked roofs of Karanberg have turned red.

One offensively short sleep later, my alarm pounds into my skull. I open my eyes to a dark room. For a moment, I panic, thinking I set my alarm for 8pm instead. I open my phone: 8:00 am. I slump out of bed and pull back the curtains. The rain storm has thickened. All the sky has gone greenish gray. I open the right door of the rickety old window carefully and let a gust of  damp air into the room. It fills my lungs. The air tastes of mountains and feels like medicine. I stick my hand out and let the raindrops kiss my hand. A sigh slithers from my lips like a ribbon.

In the bathroom mirror, I stare myself down. I feel a strange apathy towards my reflection. Her skin looks sallow and corpselike. Her under eyes are greenish and hollow. She looks like me, if I was soaked in water and wrung out. My chest gets tight. I look away. Maybe the love potion is still in my system. I clothe myself in a white cashmere set, a turtleneck and flared drawstring pants.

Nox and Nysa greet me in the kitchen with happy tails and panting tongues. I squat down to pet them. They are a bit damp. I laugh weakly. "Hi, pretty girls. Looks like you've been outside." The walk circles around me, nuzzling into my shins.

Voices sound from the dining room.

Armin comes in shortly after me, freshly showered. His hair hangs in rivulets in his eyes, wearing a crisp white T-shirt that perfectly frames the broad corners of his shoulders. He wears linen pants and suede slippers. He looks really good, like really good. "How're you feeling?" he asks.

"Been better," I tell him.

"Espresso?" Armin offers.

I gladly take him up on it. He places the shot under my nose. I inhale its bitter aroma, feeling a little closer to earth. His hand scathes the small of my back as I turn towards the dining room, sipping carefully. Eren, Historia, Floch and Reiner are seated around the table eating breakfast. Connie, apparently, slept in.

Eren sips from a glass of orange juice. He lifts his eyes from the book splayed open against a bowl of grapefruit. He measures me, then Armin. I give him a cordial nod and look away. I feel so akward, I have to stop myself from physically cringing. I don't think I did anything technically wrong going to see Armin last night. Still, I instinctively plan to hide it from Eren. That instinct is suspicious in itself, I realize.