rainbows can be grey too

Oblivion

I'm six feet from the edge
and I think I'm kinda losing myself
they all said to stand out
in a good way I mean
they all said you need to be different
from mediocrity
big dreams
high hopes
not a care
for my heartbreaks or woes
it's 11 now
in another hour
it'll be gone
this day will fade
as if it never happened

the only memory will be
the little cross on the calendar over 20

I'm afraid I'll burn out
like a cigarette
and then I'll be buried in the ground
stamped under their feet
to ashes
like I was nobody
like I didn't matter
just another soul crushed
another life wasted
they said reach the stars
but I wanted to reach the moon
ambition fades so soon

and then I realised
that dreams are just dreams
unless you do something about them
I aimed for excellence
now I'm drowning among the masses
wondering how I got myself into this mess
in the first place

I've lost myself
amidst mediocrity
no one to call my own
no one who's available to phone
at 3 am in the morning
when I feel alone and sinking

and every day feels the same
another cut on my knee
another bruise scraping my hand
days bleeding into weeks bleeding into months
and it lasts till forever
but it's all the same for me

I didn't do anything about it
now all I am is a fag
passed around from one clumsy hand to another
waiting to be stamped to ashes

I feel broken
fractured like never before
like a porcelain vase
lying shattered on the floor

turns out hope is hell
and hell is heaven
hellish paradise
won't you let me in

I wanted to be the brightest star in the cosmos
so far yet so close

I wanted to be the sparkling glint on snow
I wanted to be the refreshing petrichor

I wanted to be a candle
burning with the brightest flame
incandescent
now I'm on the verge of melting
and let these be my last words
before someone blows me off

and I fade away