Saved-Zalfie

Chapter 2

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, promise I will start updating more x

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My morning consists of the usual routine, up at 7, have a quick shower whilst the other kids are shouting at me to hurry up, get changed into my school uniform, eat breakfast, pack my school bag and walk to school with the other care kids in my year.

When I say, walk with them, what I really mean is walk slowly behind then so as not to draw attention to myself and to prevent any snide comments sent in my direction.

I think the other children in the orphanage are jealous of me. Because my parents loved me and didn't give me up, whereas they are unwanted and haven't ever experienced a proper family life. Even if mine was short lived.

As I enter school I wander down to my form room, I'm the first one there like usual.

I make my way to my usual place in the room, right in the corner away from the other people. That's how I like it and nobody really gives a crap about what i do.

I'm different from them, had different experiences and I don't fit in. At all.

I don't want to fit in with them if they don't like me. Why would I try and make friends if all I get again is rejection.

I think back to my old school when I was in my foster placement. I had 3 friends. Hope, May and Kat. I miss them. Even if we aren't in contact anymore, at least they accepted me for who I was.

I sit alone in the back as group by group the other students file in for registration, ignoring me like usual.

My form teacher Mrs Harris, keeps an eye on me from the front desk. I like her, she always looks out for me at school and makes sure I'm okay.

"I need to speak to you later Brittany" she calls over as she makes her way out of the room.

I hear sniggers and snide remarks from the other students.

"Teachers pet"

"Suck up"

"Maybe they've found her some new parents that will love her this time" this has really set me off.

I launched at Chad, the dick who made the stupid remark.

"What did you fcking say" I growled.

"You heard me orphan"

I suddenly saw red.

I launched my self at him punching and kicking and clawing at his face screaming.

The other students were chanting in the background. Obviously not rooting for me.

I felt a strong grip around my stomach as I got pulled away.

Turning around I saw my head teacher, a look of anger in his face.

"So you think this is acceptable Brittany Smart? He questioned. the other students fell silent.

"He started it by..." I got cut off by the Head.

"Enough, go to my office immediately young lady."

"Yes sir." I mumbled as I walked off. Hearing giggling and jeers behind my back.

I just got a look back at Chad. To be honest I'm pretty proud of my self to give him a black eye and a bloody nose. Nice one Britt.

----

Sitting in reception I looked around the lobby. There's quotes in the walls saying "we take pride in our students" and "we are a cooperative friendly school."

Yeah right what have they ever done for me. I just get told off for my problems and not understood by anyone.

"The head will see you now" the receptionist said disturbing my peace as she gave me a sad smile. I'm fed up of sympathy, why can't I be treated like anyone else for God sake.

I sank into the chair opposite the head teacher. Surprisingly he spoke in a much gentler tone than earlier.

"How did it start?" He asked

"Why would you care" I was protecting my self making my feelings stay hidden from view.

Mr Saunders sighed.

"Is it your difference in accommodation and carers to the other children, is it about your parents?"

I felt as if I had to protect my parents from being spoken about, I knew them, the head had never even met them before and he was suddenly acting like he gave a shit about what happened.

"Shut up about my life, you know nothing and I'm not going to tell you anything so you can't stick your nose into my life and try and make everything better because you won't, okay?" I spoke in a harsh tone, challenging him.

"Brittany, would you like me to arrange some help for you to take your mind of of your problems, you don't have to be alone with this." Ignoring the words I previously spat at him.

What doesn't he understand by No!

"For your information I want to be left alone and I'm not different from the others so stop treating me like this, what do you know about my life, I have no problems, you can go and fcking mind your own business." I screamed at him.

He looked with an emotionless expression on his face and replied with, "the orphanage are on their way to collect you" he was used to my constant outbursts of rage, everyone was.

Thank goodness I get to go, out of this shithole and away from the bullies and the constant sympathy from the teachers.

They know nothing about me and I'm not going to let my feelings be known.

---

After a telling off from my social worker about being violent and the language that came from my mouth, I stormed back to my room slamming the door to the world.

My emotions suddenly come flooding back as reality hits me and I collapse onto my floor.

"I wish you were still here, please come back"

I pleaded to my parents silently, knowing that nothing I could do or say could bring their love back into my dark life.

I peered at the bruises on my arms from the previous fight this morning. the black colour slowly appearing, illuminating my scars.

I thought I was past this. I was done with self harming.

I find my self peering into my bedside cabinet searching for the blade that used to control my life.

1...

2...

3...

I stared at the fresh cuts on my arm that eased the pain deep in the pit of my stomach.

I regret it instantly, I felt like I just lost control for the first time in 6 months. Those stupid, spoilt brats at school made me do this to myself. I hate them.

I needed a release. My phone.

I head over to my jewellery box where I keep it strictly locked to stop it getting stolen and pulled it out, unlocking the screen and tapping in my passcode.

As I sank into my bed I sighed with content as I saw a new Zalfie video on my newsfeed. I would do anything to meet my idols. Absolutely anything.

I sat watching YouTube waiting for everyone else to arrive back from school and for the usual routine of hiding myself away continue.