Aussie Slang

Confusion at the dinner table

Dinner started off alright, but went a little sideways.
"I'd much rather you stay here with everyone whilst I'm out there." Ted exclaimed towards Colt, but that made him even more mad.
"I don't even see the problem, I'm not suffering at the moment, I'm alright. The lines are just scars now, plainly harmless." He moaned, carving the small slab of Kangaroo meat as if he were sawing through a brick.
"Yes, you may be fine at the moment but once you get in those trenches, once you watch those soldiers die in front of your helpless eyes-"
"I'd be stronger, more reliable." Colt snapped back and dropped his cutlery in anger, Jacko was sure he was near to tears.
Ted cleared his throat and thought of a better topic to talk about.
"You know, when the man checked me, I swear it was inappropriate, he got way to close to my ping-pong balls." Mother, Father and Kassie smirked, Colt refused and instead breathed out of his nose in spite, and Jacko frowned in confusion.
"Why did you have ping-pong balls anyway?" He finally asked. Ted opened his mouth to reply but didn't get the chance to, because everyone began to laugh, mostly because of his words, but also because of the expression on his face.
"Well I'm gonna leave this immaturity." Colt stepped from his chair and opened the front door loosely.
"Eh, where you going?" Ted called at him, pushing him up from his seat with his strong arms.
"Out." Colt replied before slamming the door shut.
"That bloody kid." Father sighed and crossed his arms.
"Bless him, it's not his fault." Mother protested.
"What's not his fault? Jacko asked, only to be ignored entirely, again.
"He'll come home." Ted breathed out and stretched, he then continued his movement of scratching his eye and rubbing his nose.
"yeah, if he comes home battered, head over heels, I'm moving into Jacko's room. Last time he was, he kept going, 'Kass, eh, Kass, will you rub my back, i'm scared?' and then crying." Kassie tutted, but it made Jacko smile, because when he use to share a room with his sister, they'd talk all night (even when he was meant to be sleeping) and she'd read him a story, about Knights and dragons, and he would pretend to breathe out fire.
But father carried on muttering under his breath, whilst he picked up the dirty plates.
Jacko wondered what he was saying, he could just make out "...pathetic little..." And "... Can't believe he's my..."
But he was still wondering why you needed ping pong balls to be a soldier.