how to be a human being; hirofumi yoshida

iv.

There was something innately unsettling about a room full of eyes being on you.

Saki knew if her gaze kept darting at every piercing stare, she was going to fumble over her words and make a complete fool of herself, and then she wouldn't even have to worry about whether they knew she was the daughter of a devil or not or that she had to have a bodyguard because devils and devil hunters alike might want her dead - 

In the second to back row, her eyes landed on Yoshida, who had been watching her with his lips curled in amusement, and upon realizing their eyes had met, shot her an encouraging smile. His whole expression seemed to say 'You can do this. I know you can. Isn't this what you have wanted? Isn't this what you have been bothering me about?'

A calming exhale, hands clasped together in a polite bow. "My name is Saki. Please take care of me."

After introducing herself, she was directed to sit two seats to the left of Yoshida, who sent her a small, secretive wave as she sat down. Since she was incredibly grateful for his grounding presence, she sent him a nod in thanks before returning her focus to the teacher and taking in every inch of the classroom experience. She was so focused on listening to the teacher that she didn't notice the intense reaction from the other students surrounding her arrival. It wasn't until the first break did she come to know the full weight of being the 'new girl'. 

As she carefully placed her new mechanical pencil back into her pencil bag, zipping it up quietly and with an intense focus, Saki blocked out the rest of the chatter rising from the students as they began to get up and walk around the classroom, falling into groups of twos and threes and fives. She didn't quite know how to start talking to people and was thinking up a plan in her head as she slowly placed her pencil bag into her school bag when she sensed the presence of people crowding around her.

In front was a girl with her long, honey-brown hair in twin tails and a smile coated in rosy, pink lip-gloss, who waved to Saki and said, "It's nice to meet you, Saki-chan! I'm Kimi."

"Hello," Saki greeted with a nod. 

"I'm the class president, so if there's ever anything you need, please ask me," Kimi said, her smile never failing, "We'd all love to get to know you as well!"

Saki wanted to glance over at Yoshida, who she knew was watching over her from afar, to see how she was doing, but refrained and managed a welcoming smile to those surrounding her.

The others around her began to introduce themselves, from Ume to Daisuke to Kaguya and Airi. They all seemed to be fascinated with her, asking her all sorts of questions about what her favorite foods were to where she was from (that was a tricky question, but Saki managed to say the countryside and not earn any follow-up inquiries). She enjoyed her time talking with them, getting to know them and everything, even as they continued to compliment her on how 'pretty and cool' she was. How she was so brave for transferring in the middle of the school year and not freezing up when she introduced herself. How her hair was the loveliest color and had the nicest shine to it. How she must have been the talk of the school at her last one with how pretty she was.

It was all very overwhelming, to say in the least. To the point, during the lunch break, she pulled aside Yoshida to question him as to why this was happening to her. She caught sight of him as he was walking back from the vending machines, black coffee in hand, secretive smirk on his face, and grabbed him by the fabric of his jacket around his elbow and tugged him over into the empty corridor she had been waiting for him in.

"Why is everyone talking to me like I'm some sort of limited-edition prize to be won?" Saki blurted out, the stress having gradually built up, now evident by the way her eyes were semi-panicked, and she kept biting on her bottom lip over and over again.

Yoshida regarded her for a moment, his eyes brightening with his smile, "You really don't know nothing about the human world, do you?"

"Obviously," she said, gesturing to herself as though her appearance alone made it obvious, "They keep talking to me about my hair or my eyes or trivial things like that! Where's the intensity? The questions about who we are and who we're meant to be? The deep stuff, you know! The ones they'd talk about in films!"

"Saki-chan, trivial things are what make up high school."

She frowned, crossed her arms over her chest, and looked away to keep him from realizing she was embarrassed. He noticed anyways.

"If you want people to know you beyond what you appear to be, then you have to make connections," Yoshida told her. "Once you make connections, I believe you might be one step closer to feeling human, as you speak of so often."

When Saki didn't say anything, Yoshida made a move to walk away, only to be stopped by the hesitant tug of her fingers against his jacket. Very quietly, she asked, "Was this the right path for me to take?"

Yoshida tilted his head, contemplating her question for a moment. "Well, what other paths were there for you?"

"To be hand in hand with death."

"That's a little dark for a Tuesday morning, isn't it?" He patted her head a couple of times, prompting Saki to look up at him. "You get to decide your own path now, so it's up to you if you think this was the right path or not. Between you and me, I'd much rather you be here than anywhere else."

His words were honest, and they made her heart feel a tad bit lighter.