𝗧𝗪𝗢 𝗦𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗦 𝗢𝗙 𝗬𝗢𝗨; 𝘯𝘦𝘺𝘮𝘢𝘳 𝘫𝘳 [COMPLETE]

chapter twenty-three

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND

i sat by myself in the corner of the room as neymar made his way around the team. i was fine here, i kinda hated parties.

i preferred to stay in and binge watch shitty shows, y'know the teen dramas with terrible acting and even worse writing? i could probably quote every word from pretty little liars.

but neymar wasn't like that, he loves the party, the attention, the spectacle of it all.

but that was fine, i could sacrifice a night or two for a party if he could do the same for me.

i smiled as i watched him, almost like he was in his element. talking, thriving, living off the lively atmosphere. i wish i could do that.

i used to be able too, but life seemed to stop after my injury. i still remember the exact moment i knew it was over.

i pulled my legs up to my chest and leant back onto the chair, looking over the room of blossoming stars. i'd be lying if i said it didn't still hurt.

if i just wasn't so eager to score would i still be playing? would i not be here right now jealous of these players, but in barcelona soaking in the cheers?

mistimed.

that word haunts me, every-time i see leo on the floor my heart drops, whenever i see one of my teammates tackled i feel sick.

i looked up at the boys as they were laughing and joking. the girls were probably doing that right now. without me.

my chest felt tight, and i laid my head on my knee taking slow and deep breaths.

why is this happening? why here? why now? what brought this on?

the jealously?

the overthinking?

why?

why me?

all these questions running through my head, i gripped onto the edge of the table practically running out of the hotel room.

i laid against the wall, the music and my head pounding simultaneously. i sank down to the floor, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

you think you work through it, that just because you can walk, you can run, do the odd trick here and there you're all good. but the fact is, i'll never be that me again.

i'll never be bradley. number 12. she'll always be a part of me, but not me. not anymore. i had to rediscover everything.

i had it all planned out. united academy, then barcelona for five years, win all the trophies i could. be the best i could.

but no.

a mistimed tackle took it all away from me.

three seconds and the only life i ever knew, the only love i ever knew was gone.

and there was a group of people in that room behind me who don't understand that. not many can.

i don't want anyone to know what it's like for this to happen to them. the pain, the shame, the anger, the defeat. it's the worst feeling in the world.

"hey. what you doing out here?" i smiled weakly up at the curly haired boy who sat next to me on the floor. "are you crying? what's wrong?"

i laid my head on his shoulder, his hand wrapping around mine. "i don't know. its stupid. just thinking about things, watching you all. i just miss it."

ney let out a small sigh, resting his hand on my knee, his thumb drawing small circles. "it's not stupid. do you want me to take you home?"

i shook my head, wrapping my arms around his. "no. i just needed a minute. when leo gets here i'll settle in." i moved so my chin rested on his shoulder. "você é fofo."