Beyond Our Deaths, I'll Remember

Wide Awake

When Rizuna woke up, it was like coming out of a dream.

Her head swam. Thoughts blended into each other, disorienting her. Uneasy churned in her, mouth like cotton, as she tried to move, an ache in her shoulder she couldn't identify.

She moaned lowly, trying to wrap her arms around herself, but they were unresponsive. Neck straining, she turned, eyes widening when she spotted the slings supporting her arms.

I'm-?

"Ah, Ann-san, you're awake," someone commented mildly, startling her. Beside her, the heart monitor spiked, and she rolled her head around to spot an older man—likely her doctor—standing in the threshold. "Easy now, you just got out of surgery a few days ago; we don't want you popping those stitches, do we?" Making a note on his clipboard, he stepped into the room, careful to sit himself down in a chair in Rizuna's eyeshot.

More out of habit than curiosity, she studied him, noticing he was an older gentleman, with salt and pepper hair, laugh lines, and a silver wedding band on his left ring finger. His hands didn't shake around the clipboard, speaking of his experience and years working on an operating table, and his eyes scanned her papers with easy familiarity.

Noticing her assessment, he smiled. "You're a very lucky woman, Ann-san." Something heavy settled in her gut, but he must not have picked up on it. "You were one of the few who survived the meteor, and we just barely managed to save you. You've been in and out of surgery for the past few days." A mist settled over her mind, blocking out whatever he said next.

A meteor? How-

With a cry, a memory surged forth, sending her back to that day at Shibuya Crossing—the sun, burning her eyes; couples walked, smiling and laughing; high schoolers milling around and loitering. Then, suddenly, fireworks. People stopping where they stood, eyeing the sky with unease. The fireworks—flashing, banging, popping—and then-

Pain flared in her shoulder, forcing another cry from her as she writhed.

I was-

The Borderlands-

Kuina-

"Ann-san! Please, calm down!"

Someone's hand was resting on her leg, but she barely felt it, couldn't block out the sheer agony of being shot and dying—a hand in hers, thumb stroking her still pulse, a whisper of a breath—and then there was a needle in her neck, and she was plunged back into the dream.

—

"Please, wake up."

Flashes of Tokyo, vegetation slowly reclaiming the city; icy water crawling up her legs, trying to drown her; cards, the Four of Diamonds, the King of Spades; fire beneath her skin, slowly engulfing her as her breath stuttered and faltered; gun smoke; explosions; the smell of burnt flesh; strong arms holding her, the smell of stale cigarette smoke and strawberries-

"Ann, wake up."

-soft lips on hers; the blinding white of a sterile room; a cruel laugh, caused by the pain of others; late nights spent talking about everything and nothing; stars, twinkling bright and beautiful without clouds; stale chips and the hum of electricity-

"Ann!"

She woke up. 

—

The memories quietly slipped away like the last wisps of sleep, not forgotten, but dormant.

Rizuna slowly blinked her eyes, crust crinkling at the edges. The lights were dimmed, curtains drawn around her. The heart monitor was absent, she noticed, and she could flex her fingers now unhindered, though dull pain flared in the joints with the movement.

When she looked up, she saw Kuina.

Her breath stalled in her throat, hitching, and without prompt her eyes began to burn. Her heart stuck in her throat like a frog, and suddenly Kuina was in her arms, squeezing her tight.

"Ann," she cried, "I missed you so much."

"Kuin- ah!" Rizuna hissed, arms spasming as Kuina put too much weight on her torso, causing the wounds to flare. Kuina's hold immediately loosened, but at this point Rizuna refused to let her go, holding her in place even as her body protested. 

"Shit—I'm so sorry!"

"No, it's—I'm okay, really-" Rizuna tried to sooth, but Kuina just glared at her, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Don't you sell me that bullshit, you fucking died, Ann-" Kuina forcefully extracted herself from the hug, shoving Rizuna over firmly but gently, squeezing in beside her on the bed, "-and I heard the doctor's report, you are abso-fucking-lutley not fine."

Rizuna couldn't keep a fond smile from her lips even as Kuina made room for herself, not protesting as she slid her hand into hers, squeezing. Rizuna took the unspoken concern for what it was and squeezed back. To anyone else, Kuina would look pissed, but Rizuna knew her better than that.

"...I'm sorry," she whispered, unable to look Kuina in the eye as she let out a wet scoff.

"I'm the one who's sorry," she murmured, fingers shaking where they were wrapped around hers. "I should've protected you-"

"There was nothing you could have done," Rizuna insisted. It was true; only Aguni had been capable of bringing down the King of Spades, they all knew it going in, but she still hated that Kuina had been carrying that guilt with her for however long she's been awake.

"Maybe," she admitted, quiet, in such an un-Kuina way that Rizuna couldn't help but lean over and nuzzle into her side. The effect was instant, some of the tension draining from her. "Doesn't make me feel any less horrible. I watched you die, Ann, it was awful."

It felt awful, Rizuna wanted to say, but she didn't think Kuina would appreciate it, so for now, they simply sat and enjoyed each other's company, for however long they could.

—

"How long has it been?"

"Hmm?"

Rizuna shifted, sliding further down the bed, dragging Kuina with her.

"Since..."

"The meteor?" Kuina supplied. Rizuna nodded stiffly against her abdomen. "A week. They kept you sedated after your surgery; they thought it would be best until you were more healed, after what happened." She hummed in acknowledgment.

"You've been alone for a week?" Guilt twisted her insides, gnawing away at her. Realistically, she knew there was nothing she could have done for her, much less knowing Kuina was even in the same hospital, but the thought of her being alone gutted Rizuna.

Kuina smiled like she knew exactly what she was thinking, quickly reassuring her. "No, I had Chishiya."

Rizuna huffed out a quiet laugh, finding it funny that Chishiya was capable of being emotionally supportive for anyone, even Kuina. "Really?"

She shrugged. "He's not as bad as you'd think. A bit awkward, but he's always been kinda anti-social. It's endearing."

Rizuna shook her head fondly, just glad that Kuina had someone. "What about the others?"

Kuina hummed in thought, relaxing further into Rizuna's copious amount of pillows at the topic change. "They remember too, I think. Arisu and Usagi have found each other, at least. Aguni is still recovering, isn't awake for more than a few minutes at a time."

Rizuna sighed, glad that they had all survived, if nothing else. She was just happy to be here, alive. She didn't think she'd ever take her life for granted again.

"What do we do now?"

Kuina smiled, a soft and sweet thing, placing a small kiss to Rizuna's cheek. "Whatever we want, I suppose."