i also want to touch the sky.

elocution

hello, everybody. i'm ishita bhandari from post graduate government college- the co-ed one. from sector-11. 2nd year.

"i want to touch the sky," or "i also want to touch the sky," even with the context, you know, the organisers, sounded a little.. vague. so, i thought, you know, i should approach someone well-versed with the topic, enlightened with the theme, someone knowledgeable. i went to my friend, english major, and she asked me the topic. "i want to touch the sky," "i also want to touch the sky," i said. and she responded, "well, this is difficult.. with your height." and i said, it's fine, i'll be on a podium, mic in front of me, you know, elevated ground, it'll be fine. "but, what if there's no elevated ground."

it wouldn't matter. it doesn't matter. because when you stand here, in front of people, in front of an audience, speaking about a topic you feel with, you're passionate about- imparting your knowledge. promulgating, it can be your expertise, or your philosophy, or your consciousness about something: that in itself makes your 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 bigger. hoping somebody, anybody, at least 𝘰𝘯𝘦, goes with
more cognizance than before. if lucky, a topic they rivet themselves with. they can be intrigued, they can be inquiring.

because one voice to another. you speak up, so that the people do. they recognise themselves, discern for themselves, speak for themselves. and really, it doesn't have to be a physical setting. someone on a podium, audience sitting in front of me. the audience can be sitting at home, at your desk, reading, watching, listening. i could be sitting at home, at my desk, writing a book, capable of making a difference. really, it can be newspaper to netflix.

['i want to touch the sky too' even with the context, sounded a bit vague to me. so i visited my friend, english major, and she asked me the topic, i told her. she said, "hm.. well that's gonna be difficult with your height. (laughing) it wouldn't matter, i said. it doesn't matter. because when you stand in front of an audience, mic in front of you, promulgating your- your expertise, or your philosophy, or your consciousness about something you're passionate about- that's enough to make your presence bigger. and really, it doesn't even have to be physical setting. you can be sitting at home, i can be sitting at home, writing a book, you know, to spread awareness, like i'm trying to do now. really, it can be newspaper to netflix.]

such was me, 15 years old, in my home. it was 3pm and i was still in bed. i had thought last night- by 'last night' i mean 4am the same day: i'll get up at 8 and do the work i have been piling up for weeks. but, well, it was 3pm and i was watching youtube. i came across this married woman 'hester'- we will come back to her; and the word 'adhd'- attentive deficit hyperactivity disorder. as the video showed it's types, it's symptoms, and why, it can be missed in women.

i did not know why i clicked on it. i wasn't unfamiliar with the term. i had studied adhd under 'mental disorders in kids' in physical education. it can be recognised by hyperactivity- obviously, impulsiveness, not listening to adults, disruptive, disobedient, you know, naughty. naughty boys in the pictures accompanying the small paragraph. they said 12.9% of boys are diagnosed with adhd, and 5.6% girls. that's a huge disparity, i had thought, and that was that.

i knew i didn't have it. i had been a very quiet, reserved, and like, overall distant child all my life. i was forgetful, unenergetic, even. there was no reason to click on it.

but i did. and, and i genuinely think, that's one of the best things i have ever done in my life. because that little video answered all my questions i have been asking myself for the longest time as i just.. stared at the work i had to do.. did not do the work.. which i was fully capable of doing, can do right now, i have the time, but i just.. didn't. why? why was i like this? why were things not happening to me, as they were happening to other people?

and seriously- when i say i have asked this to myself since the longest time- i have. i have asked this to myself since i was a kid. i looked at other students, who had X, Y, and Z things to do, so they just used to do X, finish it, pick up Y, finish it, and then complete Z and go to sleep. i thought my peers were something EXTRAordinary. but if i had X, Y, and Z things to do. that's going to take at least a week, good sir.

the absurd part was, the tasks were not the problem. they were not difficult. sometimes, i could do X, Y and Z better than my co-equals. it was strange.

as i grew up, i realised, they are not something special, someone extraordinary, to finish work in time. it's me, i'm the one, who's time blind. that's why, look, it was 3pm, and i was in bed watching other's people's lives while both my parents worked for me, their single daughter. i realised i was lazy, lacked concentration, disorganised, and you know, this feeling of worthlessness which comes with this realisation, consumes people, consumed me. 3pm turns to 4, 5 and depression down the lane.

women have to wait decades for a diagnosis, compared to their male counterparts because they are simply told they have anxeity, stress and depression issues rather than it being a cause of an underlying disorder.

why is that? why do even professionals sometimes can not recognise adhd in women. is the huge disparity- the "12.9 and 5.6" figures i told you earlier: are women really just less affected, or have they always been missed like this, or misdiagnosed?

well, the answer is: for many years, there was this misconception that adhd only affected boys. so years of research on behavioural patterns, signs, symptoms, are based on the experiences of boys or men, and don't generally adhere to girls or women. and because they're genetically, societally divergent people- adhd is represented in women quite differently, which is why even professionals assume it's a totally different condition altogether.

so, hester, the lady i mentioned before. she's married, her husband also has adhd: but while his struggle took months, her journey took years. after her marriage, the babies, the pressure "all the wheels fell off" and she had a nervous breakdown. she mentions her husband was never questioned, doubted, like , 'oh this sounds like anxeity, or depression, here, have some tablets.' when asked, why did it take this long, she replies, 'bluntly, because i was a female.'

of course, this is an experience of one woman. twiggy comes before her. she has a lot of ideas, but can not follow through with it. she fortunately came across it, just like me on social media, and decided to consult a psychiatrist. she cried when she got the diagnosis, happy tears, "this whole time, it wasn't me?" sheilagh comes after hester, who got her diagnosis at 63. she has crashed the car 6 times in her life because of the impulsiveness, and struggled with depression all her lives.

this bbc video ends with, "all the women we have spoken to, say the diagnosis have improved their lives. for some, medication and therapy has helped, for others, all they needed was answers."

so really, when you get to know that the reason is not that you're, self sabotaging yourself because.. just because (laughing). but you're neurodivergent, that the things you do- or the lack thereof, is not your conscious will: it's relieving. it's very relieving. not in a 'okay, i can put the blame on this now' the adhd is there, it's still very much there. it's who i'm. but instead of berating myself for it, hating myself for it, i can manage it more and i just kind of laugh when it happens.

it didn't limit emma watson· the harry potter actress; simone biles, olympic gold medalist; agatha christie, the crime novelist: you know her. because, honestly, no one should go through their lives blaming themselves for how their brain works. for them, the sky is the limit. so why would i let my adhd limit me? i can touch the sky too.