Cupid Series #5: Sincerely

14

Twitter

Ad

almost a decade na rin since the accident happened and i never got the chance to contact you until now to clear things up about that day. alam kong sinisisi mo sarili mo sa pagkamatay ni lemon. sumulat ka pa ng letter na hindi ko man lang binasa at ginusot pa sabay bato sayo. pero isa o dalawang taon ang nakalipas pagkatapos no’n narealize ko na ako pala ang may kasalanan at hindi ka na dapat nagsulat ng letter.

hear me out first plis

naaalala mo bang naglalaro kayo noon sa playground ng subdivision? nandoon kami ni mama kasama si lemon. we took her for her daily afternoon walks.

that afternoon sobrang energetic ni lemon. i had to hold her leash on my hand a little tighter para hindi siya makatakas. she was kind of dragging me.

noong nakita ko kayong naglalaro ng ibang mga bata, hindi ko narealize na lumuwag ang hawak ko sa tali ni lemon hanggang sa bigla na lang siyang tumakbo.

the next thing i knew she was running on the road chasing the strawberry squish ball. everything happened so fast. i heard a crash and a cry from lemon tapos ayun, nakahiga na siya sa kalsada with blood covering half of her white fur.

she was everything to me and witnessing her die in front of my eyes was hell. i didn’t know how to describe the intensity of my feelings that time but i know now that it felt like hell.

i couldn’t remember anything anymore around me that moment because all i could see was lemon lying on the road lifeless.

nalaman kong sayo yung bola from my mom. doon rin nagsimulang isisi sayo lahat ng nangyari. inisip ni 6th grader paul na kung hindi mo sana ibinato yung strawberry, hindi sana niya hinabol at buhay pa sana siya.

the day you gave me the letter was the last day i ever saw or heard from you. desisyon ko rin yon. because i was so angry and upset and sad and seeing you flared it all up.

a month after lemon’s death, we moved out dahil naiba na naman ang location kung saan naassign si papa sa trabaho. mabuti yon para sa akin that time para makalimot.

a year or two after all that happened, narealize ko na ako pala talaga ang may kasalanan. i didn’t hold her leash as tight as i should have. i know it’s really dumb to think about it now. pero ako talaga ang may kasalanan.

ang sabi nina mama at ate, ang may kasalanan ay yung driver. but it was me. i didn’t look after her.

and i’m sorry that it took me years to find you to clear this out because i never really knew your name or any information about you.

it’s all in the past now but it’s really important to make it clear to you that it was never your fault.

. . .

paul please give me, like, a moment

i’ll get back to you need ko lang i-process ang mga sinabi mo

take all the time you need.

sent 9:25 AM

***