Midnight Secrets

Chapter 15

I swirled around in my chair – probably the tenth time I had done so this day. If I ever felt my least productive in my career... it would be today. Ever since Shar came and dropped that bomb of information in my office, my mind refused to refocus. All it could think about was who the hell Nate was.

My mind kept jumping between nights. Between things that happened and things that were said.

I tried to recall any words I had said to him – and whether I accidently slipped any information that he could have used to google my family.

I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get out of that office and away from the constant chatter and ringing phones. I grabbed my bag and coat and stormed out of my office, not even bothering to say goodbye to anyone. I loved how it was not unusual for me to do so. There were days where I had enough of covering up bullshit for my father, that I was sickened to my core for the people that worked for him by their own choice, that I didn't even deem them a greeting.

As I made my way to the elevator, my mind was racing with thoughts of everything Nate had ever said to me. Would I be able to find out the truth? Is it weird if I just asked him straight up whether he was lying?

Was Shar lying? What reason did my best friend have to lie to me? I was so lost in my own thoughts that I barely even registered the elevator doors closing behind me.

Once I was outside, I started walking quickly, almost breaking into a run. I just wanted to get home, where I could finally be alone with my thoughts. The only thing stopping me from doing such a thing was that I was in heels. I didn't even bother calling for a car. I just needed to walk, to get the blood flowing through my body.

I believe my dad had his mind occupied with the shit surrounding his brother's death to even realise his daughter walked it home.

The further I got out the city, the more my feet started to cry for help. I let out a grunt and pulled the heels off my feet. The second my barefoot touched the hard stone, I felt it course through my whole body. As I walked, the cold air biting at my face, I felt my anger and frustration slowly dissipating. By the time I reached my front door, I was feeling a bit more like myself. I unlocked the door and stepped inside, taking a deep breath as I did.

I felt a sense of calm wash over me as I stepped inside my home. The familiar surroundings and the silence was a welcome change after the chaos of my mind and the office. I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath, feeling my body relax as the tension of the day began to dissipate.

But the calm was short-lived. As I looked around my home, the memories of the past flooded back in and the reality of my situation hit me like a ton of bricks. I was alone in this house.

I want her back.

The feeling of calm was replaced with a sense of hopelessness and despair. I couldn't shake off the feeling that I was back to square one. I managed to build a fortress around my heart and the only instant I let someone come remotely close I had this happen to me.

Fuck it.

"You don't even know if it is true..." I whispered to myself.

I walked aimlessly through my home, my mind in a whirlwind of emotions. I tried to push the negative thoughts away, to focus on the present moment and find peace, but it was no use.

I need her.

I want him.

I want my dad to be my dad.

I don't want to work for killers.

I don't want to be happy that someone is dead.

I want him.