Hello, Lonely Darkness

Chapter 1: In A Field Of Dying Lilies

Mentions of: abuse, sexual assault, rape (implied at end of chapter), panic attacks, sh

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Denki POV:

Denki already wants to leave before he steps foot inside the house.

He stands on the porch, his hand only centimeters away from the doorknob, as another wave of anxiety hits him, burying him deeper into the ground. It gnaws at his chest, chewing on him from the inside out like a parasite. Plaguing his body as its worms fill his stomach. As it scratches - claws - at his throat.

The night air feels warm, yet Denki is shaking like a leaf. This feeling - this fear - is familiar. Too familiar as it lurks near him, its unwelcome company inching closer to his body. He tries to calm himself; tries to calm the prodding unease that seeps through his veins. But anxiety traps him - its roots growing long and deep inside his body, with thorns so sharp and unfair, as it pierces through him.

Denki stands still, frozen in fear, and an itch in his brain makes him shudder. He shakes his head. No. He doesn't want to think about the possibility of that, but the lights are on inside the house, and he knows the ludicrous laughter booming from inside all too well, and everything only worsens as tears threaten to spill out of his eyes and the possibility of that becomes so much harder to push out of his mind and fuck he hates how all of this is familiar and-

And suddenly, as the moon slowly creeps out from behind the clouds - the rotting flesh of the wood beneath Denki's feet creaking as he shifts his weight - reality sinks in.

The night air feels warm, too warm as the palms of his hands become clammy. His heart starts racing faster, faster as the darkness of the sky begins to surround him - consuming him. Denki wants to cry as the anxiety he so desperately is trying to push down engulfs him in a thick blanket, strangling him as he's trying to scream.

He can hear his dad's sickening laughter from inside. And it's as if he can feel his hands roaming his body; as if he can feel the unwanted touch of his friends. And no words can describe how gross it makes him feel - how sick. Denki's hands both clasp his mouth as nausea overwhelms him. His legs tremble beneath him, failing to support his own weight. God, no.

His breathing becomes louder and heavier and all of a sudden he can't control it as panic fills his lungs, suffocating him. He can't stop the tears from swelling out of his eyes. Water trickles down his cheeks and chin, staining his shirt. He runs his hands through his hair, a nervous tick to soothe himself, but electricity dances around his fingertips, and he only spirals deeper because he can't. Control. It.

Denki stares at the door, unable to bring himself any closer than he already is. He can't go inside. He can't. No. Not when Dad is in there. Not when his friends are in there. He feels the need to run. But his feet stay cemented to the ground, and his legs feel like jello, and he's screaming at himself why can't he move? and-

And then Denki's face pales. His eyes widen ever so slightly as his blood runs cold. His breathing becomes shallow, and electricity prickles his skin - burning.

But it doesn't matter how much it hurts. How much it sears his arms, legs, torso, neck. Or how long, rigid Lichtenberg figures form over faded scars. Because he is too overwhelmed with fear to even feel it, and, in all of the chaos of emotion in his head, he can only think of one thing.

Haru.

If Kaminari Denki is anything at all, he is, without a doubt, the world's greatest idiot.

Because while he stands still, the corroded porch giving him comfort as he's swallowed by the bitterness of the evening's warmth, his brother is still in there.