Don't you ever just want to watch something peaceful. Well I do that all the time, but every single time I do I start to tear up. Like a part of my heart just gives up and wants to suffer in silence. Things like these scar my heart and make me ask myself "why am I still here?" Why didn't I just die off like the flower that bloomed on summer and died on winter. Why not me? When I'm around people I want to feel "worthy" and make sure that they are actually having fun with me. But then another person comes and they seem to act "different" it's Like they forget I was with them. And so they go on with their day talking about that person but then it hits me. Were they just pretending to act "happy" with me, was I just a tool or toy to them? I felt played by them, they just acted as if what we did was only a picture at the moment not a memory that lasts "forever".
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The Last Chance To Make Me Feel "Alive"
Randomthis isn't a story but paragraphs of wanting to find out about something and know what it is that I'm looking for in life
