Monarch of Luminescence || Solo-Leveling

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟷𝟷

I stared at the platform above. It seemed like it was also looking at me. it slowly descended, revealing that individual... that brought me happiness and remorse.

He was wearing a simple navy hoodie and black pants, with black hair dusting over his grey eyes. 

"Jinwoo...?" I muttered.

He... No. It spoke. "Why did you help me?"

"..." I gazed into his eyes which seemed to carry the void.

"If you hadn't stepped into my life, nothing would have gone wrong. But, you killed my mother and my sister."

Hearing this, my eyes widened and immediately refuted. "What, no! They're still alive! I didn't do anything... I only tried to help..." I shrunk back. Nothing happened to them. They were still okay. I just met them yesterday. So why... do I feel as if I am in denial?

"You've ruined everything. Your selfish actions deceived me. I believed you were a kind person, but I didn't know you had that kind of objective. You used me for your sake." He slowly walked in my direction.

"No... No, I didn't. That isn't right. You were struggling financially, so I helped..." I kept on stepping backward, my back hitting the mirror. 'Jinwoo' stepped off of the platform, and walked just like how he would. "You're just an illusion. A fake..." My voice wavered, doubting my eyes. It never broke eye contact.

"You're pathetic. You didn't know me, and I was another stranger passing by you in your life. But you tried to help me to satisfy your own selfish ego. You clung to me because you wanted to prove that you weren't like your father. You wanted to prove you could be significant to someone. You wanted someone to believe in you, but in the end, you were just using me for the benefit of your ego. You will never be different from him. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I'll use you too. One day, I'll toss you away when I don't need you anymore. Just like how your own parents did.

You were only someone that I could use and fool.

You were never important to me.

Your existence is nothing.

You're nothing."

"Shut up. You're not Jinwoo. He... he would never say something like that."

"You're correct, and incorrect. I'm the manifestation of your true thoughts." Its facade fades into particles, revealing another me. The current me. "You've doubted your relationship with him, and you've denied your problems. You're despicable. You're nothing, and forever will be nothing. You do not have a place in this society. You should just die."

I wryly laughed when I heard the truth. It felt relieving — realizing it wasn't him. It was just me. It always has been me.

"So what if I'm nothing? So what if I'm used? I'll fool myself into believing then. What other choice do I have? I know I belong nowhere, but ignorance is bliss they say. I'm willing to play along in the silly little castle of lies I've built myself since young. I still... have someone waiting for me, after all."

"You're just running away from your problems. You cannot run forever."

"You're right. But the current me that faces them then wouldn't exist. You know all too well how my defence mechanisms work. You're scared too, aren't you?"

"..."

"You're also scared to confront the problems that have been haunting you. You're trying to make me deal with it for you. I know, since you're also me. You're the rational and most sane part of me. But maybe, this emotional and insane side may win today."

"No matter how much you try to forget, you cannot erase the past. You will soon forget yourself too."

"Sure~" I enveloped him in a hug and manifested a dagger, stabbing its heart. Or, is it mine? "Goodbye, my Mr. Rational."

"Do you really... want to live this way...?" It mutters and melts back into the water, now fully dyed blood red.

"It's not 'want'. I have to." I dryly laughed, looking up at the sky. Maybe this way, I could gain a sense of sanity back. A bit ironic, I agree.

Do I have to continue living this way? I can't bear the look he would give me when he knows the entire truth. But if I continue this way... Nothing would change. I wouldn't change. But 'I' want to. I accepted the worst outcome like it was natural, and did nothing about it, hoping it doesn't escalate for the worse. Maybe he doesn't need to know. I don't want the fragile tower of trust we built over the years to crumble because of me. Because I said too much.

I just didn't want to change. I was just glad nothing happened, but I don't actively fix or improve anything. I'm scared to. What if I try to, and something unexpected happens? Something that could ruin both of our lives forever.

Feelings are annoying. Why am I like this? My chest feels stuffy.