𝒑𝒆𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒓 ᖭི༏ᖫྀ 𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚖𝚜

chapter twelve : one foot in front of the other

[XII]

COPING WAS HARD.

Suddenly I didn't want to do anything, to see anyone, to be anywhere.

We hadn't known her very long, but she was someone, someone innocent and kind and deserving of a long, happy life.

When Ellie had done what she needed to do, she came back to me. Stunned, she moved around like a ghost, not knowing what to say. I knew what she had done for me, and Violet, and was waiting for her in the bathroom with a bucket of water and a stray bottle of almost-empty shampoo. I figured if anyone deserved it, it was her.

She wouldn't say much to me at all, but seemed to accept my help. I lowered her body to be sat down, her head over the bathtub as I gently picked up a mug I had found in the kitchen, and scooped some water from the bucket.

This was how my mum always washed my hair, and I had always loved it.

As I tipped it, she closed her eyes, but I knew if she closed her eyes for long, she would see the things she didn't want to remember.

"Don't close your eyes, Ellie," I gently whispered. "Keep them on me, I promise I won't let soap get in your eyes."

But it wasn't about the soap. Both of us knew that. I placed my left hand over her forehead to keep the water from her eyes, and she watched me as I did, only closing her eyes momentarily to blink. I continued to work softly and with tenderness; I knew that she was probably frightened, of what she did, of herself maybe, and she needed to be safe right now in every possible way.

I lightly worked in the remainder of the shampoo I had found. It smelled like peaches. She breathed in the scent like it was heaven, but never broke her gaze at me. At times her eyes fluttered a little in the blissful pleasure of a combination pertaining my scalp massaging and the beautiful smell of peach summertime. I wrapped a fuzzy towel I had found in a broom cupboard around her hair after I rinsed it out. It was like I was rinsing out what she had done. What she was forced to do. A debt I didn't think I would ever be able to pay. I wiped her eyebrows and her freckled face that now seemed so innocent as she continued to gaze at me, perhaps refusing to break in case she saw someone else's face in her mind.

"Let's have a kip, yeah, Ellie?"

And so we made our way into the master bedroom, refusing to go into Violet's though it would have been the cleanest, likely.

"Take the bed," I said. "I have no problem sleeping on the floor."

Which was true; I had slept on the forest floor for months, so an old carpet was somewhat of an upgrade. Ellie shivered a little and still said nothing, climbing under the old sheets and seemingly going to rest.

As I was drifting off, on the floor, however, I heard some mumbling.

"Are you okay, Ellie?" I asked gently.

"Could you..." she started, not removing herself from under the covers. "Could you come here, please? I don't..."

"You're not alone, Ellie," I said, echoing what Ellie had told me in the forest when I was bitten. "I won't leave you alone."

I climbed into the sheets with her, which was nice, seeing as she was very, very warm. The room was only lit up by the faint moonlight from the window, so I could barely, just about, make out Ellie's features as she turned to face me. We didn't hold each other, or anything. It was honestly so strange seeing Ellie so disarmed when she always had her guard up and a cocky smile to go with it. But now she was so vulnerable, I didn't much care. I had wondered for so long what we were; enemies, friends, acquaintances. But I understood now. She was someone who protected me, and I was someone who protected her. We protected each other. It was a comfort to know, in this world where no one and nothing is protecting you and almost everything wants to kill you, there was one person left who would be there for you.