Ethan's POV (Bonus Book)

Chapter Twenty-nine - Ethan's POV

I'd officially become the world's shittiest person. There was no arguing with that fact, it had just become my reality.

Why am an I asshole? Simple - because I'd spent the last two days ignoring the shit out of Mia. It was the last thing in the world I'd ever thought I'd find myself doing. But here I was.

I was sure she hated me at this point. The look she had given me at the lockers a few days ago when I had turned away from her, almost broke my heart. She looked so hurt and broken and I'd never seen her smile drop so sharply off her face. I hated that I had caused her to feel that way.

From her view, I had selfishly stolen her first kiss like an arrogant pig and was now ignoring her without a word of explanation. I knew why I was doing it, of course, but she didn't. And from that day, things had only gotten worse – more tortuous, agonizing even.

Knowing how much I lacked control, I'd been avoiding her locker like the plague and had even gone so far as switching seats in class, so I'd no longer have to sit beside her. She'd noticed. Of course, she'd noticed. I'd felt her fierce eyes digging into mine the whole time from across the class, her expression a shadow of undeniable hurt.

And the worst thing of all, the pinnacle of the torture for me, was the text messages. Mia had sent over twenty messages. She started off by asking me if there was something wrong and if I was okay. I'd drafted up a message at the time, but then swiftly deleted it, reminding myself I couldn't engage. I refused to let her get wrapped up with someone like me. One text message back, and I knew I'd be chasing her again.

Then the messages got worse. She started to ask me if there was something she did wrong? Or if I was mad at her? I'd never felt so guilty in my life, and though it nearly killed me, I fought myself back from replying. So, with all that done, I'm pretty sure it was safe to say she hated me. I would hate myself if I were her. I did.

It was funny really, I'd spent six years ruthlessly doing all I could to keep her attention, and now I was doing all I could to try and lose it. Not because I didn't want her, of course– but because I knew I shouldn't want her.

Lucas naturally thought I was an idiot. He tried to avoid using the word, idiot, but I knew that's what he meant. After his constant prying about my shitty mood, I'd eventually told him all that had happened after my kiss with Mia. I'd told him about the lady at the petrol station, looking through old photos of my dad, all of it.

Though he had sympathy for the woman at the petrol station's trauma, he was furious at the words she'd said to me. He thought all she said, 'was a load of shit' and she was just speaking through her emotions. But I wasn't too sure. I'd been raised by my dad for twelve years, and I had his genes. Whether it was nature or nurture that made a monster, I had both. I was basically a ticking time bomb.

Bringing my mind back to the present, I swallowed hard and slammed my locker door closed. It was lunchtime. And that meant the dreaded time when I was going to be forced to walk right past Mia's lunch table while trying to avoid eye contact.

Just a week ago, I would have slid right into the chair beside her and chatted with her for a while, but now I couldn't.

I'd proved just the other day that I by no means could handle being her friend. For fucks sake, it only took one second of her above me for me to attack her with my lips. I was pathetic.

Pushing my way through the cafeteria doors, I tried to keep my gaze strictly forward while trying to pull all thoughts of Mia to the back of my mind. Noise rushed past my ears as I entered the hall, and I immediately set my eyes in the distance to where the soccer guys were sitting on the far table.