Nothing Gold Can Stay

Chapter Nine

The hospital was a really long walk back to our house. I was shivering something awful and didn't really feel like talking. Luckily, neither did Ponyboy. We just wanted to grieve Johnny's loss in silence. I so wanted to take his place. I wanted to be the kid dead on the hospital bed. Johnny was too pure to be taken so soon. I wished none of this would've happened. I wished Ponyboy, Johnny, Dally, Two-Bit, and I hadn't met the girls at the movies. I wished Bob and Randy weren't their boyfriends. I wished Darry hadn't hit Ponyboy. But most importantly, I wished the socs hadn't tried to drown Ponyboy and that Johnny wouldn't have to think that the only way to get them to stop was by killing Bob. He knew that but no one could just sit there and watch their best friend die. That was how all three of us in the hospital room with Johnny felt. Any of us would've taken his spot. God, even Dally. Especially Dally........

Every once and a while, I would hear Ponyboy murmur that Johnny wasn't dead and I wished I could believe him but we had both seen it with our own eyes. We had seen him die with our own two eyes. A part of me wanted to ask what 'stay gold' meant but I didn't want him to start bawling. He had already seen me bawling in the parking lot on my knees begging for Dally to come back or at least take me with him. Wherever he was going, I wanted to go with him, to help him control his sadness. I felt selfish for not immediately jumping in the passenger seat when he ran to his car so he couldn't get me out. Ponyboy looked like he was going to pass out any minute but I couldn't say anything. Johnny was dead. He was really dead. I hadn't remembered feeling this way since mom and dad died and for some reason, that made me somewhat happy. I hated this feeling. I'd hate to feel it every single day. Our gang was never going to be the same.

I smoked the cigarette in my mouth calmly, the smoke making a track behind us. I didn't even bother offering one for Ponyboy. He obviously didn't look too well and Darry would kill me if I let him have one when he looked like he was about to faint. He didn't even bother reaching for one. He was just getting worse by the second and he was bleeding something awful from the fight. Neither of us could keep walking around for much longer. We had to have been out close to two hours by now. An hour and a half ago, Johnny died. The gang had to be getting worried about us at this point. I waved my hand around for a taxi or someone who would give us a ride. Eventually, a police car caught up to us. The driver must have realized we were lost because he blew his window down.

"You lost?" he asked.

"Uh......not really," I lied. He studied our faces and noticed we needed help. A part of me hoped they wouldn't reconize Ponyboy.

"Do you know where you are?" the officer asked. I sighed and shook my head. He had us get in the car and tell him our address. I was terrified but he reassured me nothing would happen so Ponyboy gave it to him terrified.

"Don't worry. We'll get you home and back to your parents in no time," he said. Our parents are dead, I thought hoping I didn't accidentally say it out loud as I was thinking it. It's one of the things you don't say to complete strangers especially not a police officer. The officer turned to us from the front seat seeing we were bleeding. "You two been in a fight?"

I choked on my spit for a second. It's another thing you don't tell policemen. I shrugged not telling him, Ponyboy staying quiet. What was Darry going to think when he saw us being driven home in a police car? It turned out we weren't as far from home as I thought. Only fifteen minutes. We didn't speak to the officer most of the time. I guess he could tell we were going through a hard time.

When we did arrive at the house, I almost thought about paying the officer but it was their job to protect us and he would obviously refuse so we simply thanked him and headed through the iron gates. I chewed on my fingernails hoping Darry wouldn't be too mad. Ponyboy must have noticed because he grabbed onto my hand carefully as he used the other one to open the door. I have to admit. I felt childish having to have my little brother hold my hand but we were both terrified of his reaction so in a way, I was comforting him. The guys all turned their heads to us each of them bandaged and looking as soar as ever. Darry stood up when he saw us and I almost flinched not knowing what was going to happen.