I am sorry it took so long. I have been busy with my life but I wanted to finish this. I will try my best to update more. My goal is to at least finish this first before starting the next book. Hoping I can pull through. *soft cries
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"Where are we going exactly?" I asked him.
It's only been a few minutes since that incident, but something feels different. He was silent, which is unusual for Y, especially when he is with me.
He was still red, and I was starting to feel bad because I knew I had startled him earlier when I poked his cheeks.
I didn't make him upset because of that, right?
"I heard about this new pizza place from one of my classmates. I thought maybe we could try," he said and I ended up nodding. I would occasionally look in his direction and pout. He had been avoiding my gaze, so I assumed what I did had offended him slightly.
I bit my lower lip, debating whether I should apologize and talk about it, but he wasn't really looking at me, which made me nervous.
I'm not used to him being like this. Y is the closest to the person I can call my safe place. I can be me when I am with him and just seeing him this silent with me makes me feel so nervous and I don't like that.
As the light turned red, Y was busy tapping the steering wheel. Many thoughts raced through my mind. I had no idea how long it had been since I decided to call his name. "Heron?" he hummed in response to my whisper.
I was silent for a moment, debating whether or not to ask. I took a deep breath and decided to ask him the question with my eyes closed.
"Are you upset with me?"
It took me so much courage to even ask that.
That obviously caught Heron off guard, and as I opened my eyes, I saw him finally turn toward me. His expression was one of surprise and panic, which made me feel even worse.
"What?" he asked, his tone a little higher than usual.
My lips pursed and I tried not to cry. Yes. I had offended him.
"I'm sorry," I apologized right away, which made him panic even more.
"What? Lou, I-," he couldn't finish his sentence because the light turned green again and we could already hear a few honks from the cars behind us because Heron was distracted.
"Fuck," he cursed before resuming his driving.
As I heard him curse, my stomach churned. I suddenly felt so disappointed in myself.
I was already crying before I realized it. My vision was already blurry, so I didn't notice that Y had pulled over to the side of the road and removed the seatbelt he was wearing, and turned in my direction.
"Oh, my God, my dear, Lou. Look at me, baby, please. I'm not upset with you. How did you come up with that?"
His voice was soothing; he sounded soft and caring as if he didn't want to upset me any further. I felt his hand on my arm, attempting to remove the hands that were covering my face gently.
"Shit. I apologize, baby. Please, no more crying. Okay, I'm not mad at you. I'll never be mad at you," he said quietly, wiping away the tears that were streaming down my cheeks.
My gaze was drawn to him because of how soft he sounded, and I am unable to read the expression on his face.
The words he just said took time before it slowly sinks into my mind.
He wasn't mad at me?
"But you were silent and avoiding my gaze earlier," I pointed out, noting the surprised expression on his face. He seemed to be thinking about something but didn't want to tell me.
I watched as he bit his lower lip and thought about something. I found myself following his movements for some reason.
"It wasn't because I was mad at you. I was thinking about something. I'm sorry for making you think that way, but there is nothing you can do in this world that will make me angry at you, my sweet Lou, okay?"
That makes my lips quiver, and I can see the desperation in his eyes.
I eventually puckered my lips and nodded.
He took out his handkerchief and wiped away my tears. I started to relax. I'm scared just thinking about Y being angry at me. I don't want him to be upset because he's the closest to me.
He reached for my hands and gently made me look at him after ensuring that I was fine.
"I'm not saying this to make you stop crying, okay? I'm saying this because it's true. I wasn't angry before. I was only distracted earlier because I was thinking about school-related issues. That's all there is to it. There is nothing in the world that can make me angry at you."
Even though I believe he was saying it to make me feel better, it made me smile. What he said seemed a little far-fetched. Of course, something about what I did will disappoint him someday. But I decided not to say it any longer.
He started the car and drove again once he was certain I had calmed down. He had been giving me glances to make sure I was okay, and every time he did, I smiled at him.
"Y?" I called his name again, and he gave me another look before returning his gaze to the road.
"Is there something wrong?" he asked.
I gulped, biting my lower lip after. I just needed to ask.
"Why is your face always red these days? Are you having some kind of allergy to the weather or something? Is the weather too hot for you?" I inquired out of concern, and I noticed his eyes widen a bit. But then he smiled, the end of his tongue wetting the corner of his lower lip, and seeing that happen while I was watching him from the side was something. I was taken aback.
Heron finally laughed. "It's not much, Lou. Don't be concerned. I suppose it's indeed just the weather."
Even though I am still perplexed and concerned, I have decided not to press on.
He gave me one last look with his eyes shining, he whispered, "Oh, my sweet Lou..."
I'm starting to get used to him calling me that and I like it.
