its okay to not be okay // tmf

Nothing Happened The Way I Wanted.

Jake woke up to his alarm, only getting less than an hour of sleep. He just sobbed the whole night.

He groaned, smacking it off and falling out of bed. He lied on the floor, staring up at the ceiling as he tried not to doze off. He nabbed at random clothes, throwing them on and taking a deep breath. He walked to the bathroom and splashed cold water over his face to wake himself up.

Jake opened his eyes and looked in the mirror. His eyes widened. He was a hot mess. He had major eye bags, eyes were red and puffy, his whole face was red. His lip was busted and he over all just looked like shit.

He did everything he could to pull himself together and clean himself up. He got ready for the dreadful day at school, leaving him room and getting Milo out of his.

He knocked at Milo's door as a sign to his presence and opened it. "Come on, Milo, we don't want to be late."

"Jeez, I'm coming! Don't be so impatient," Milo complained, finishing tying his shoe and quickly got to his feet, dragging his backpack up from the floor and rushing over to the door. "So you goooood now, big bro?"

"Yeah yeah," Jake chuckled. Milo nodded and they continued their way downstairs.

Jake jumped a little to seeing his mother standing there in the kitchen. He sighed.

"Yeah yeah, I'm home. But I'm leaving right now. Just 'had' to say bye," she mocked grouchily.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Milo mumbled to himself as he made his way to the pantry to hopefully find something to eat.

"Jake Sterling," their mother said rudely.

"Hm?" he asked as if he wasn't intimidated.

"You're an asshole," she scolded, slamming her hand on the counter. Jake sighed, and Milo quickly popped his head out of the pantry, offended on the behalf of his brother. "And you look like shit today. Fix yourself. That's embarrassing."

She lifted her hand and left, leaving with a quick 'Bye Milo!' Jake saw the money she left, a sticky note on top. He walked over to it.

"What the hell was that?!" Milo yelped, retreated from the pantry and getting upset after his mother was gone.

Jake shrugged. "Whatever. We have money for groceries now."

"Nuh uh! It isn't 'whatever!'" Milo mocked, making finger quotes. "She never curses unless she's mad mad."

"It's probably about the fight last night. We didn't exactly end off on a good note," Jake sighed.

Milo cleared his throat after a moment of silence, closing the pantry. "We still don't have anything."

"We can go shopping after school, you in?" Jake sealed, Milo's face lighting up.

"Yes!!" he exclaimed, excitement clear in his tone. Jake chuckled.

"Okay, then," he mumbled, shoving the money into his jacket pocket. "C'mon, we don't wanna be late."

Milo could hear and see how exhausted his brother was. But he also knew that the last thing Jake needed was for someone to point that out.

They arrived at school, Jake not feeling it. Milo tried to cheer him up on the way, failing miserably.

"Hey, Jake," Drew greeted as Jake walked up to him, Liam and Henry.

"Woahh, you look like hell," Henry commented. Jake sighed out.

"You good? What happened to ya?" Drew asked.

"Fine, thanks," Jake mumbled. He displayed a smile that was oh-so-obviously fake, Drew not returning one.

"What ha-" Drew repeated, only to be cut off by the bell. Jake just walked away. "W-wait. Jake," Drew called after the boy, about to catch up with him before feeling someone grab his wrist.

"Leave him be, Drew," Liam said. "Probably didn't get sleep."

"True," Drew mumbled. He began talking to the two as they entered the school on their own time.

Jake walked down the hall, pissed and not in the mood. He watched from the corner of his eye as people would look at him and whisper, turning to watch him.

He just waked faster, making his way to the music room. He slammed the door shut and sighed, looking around to make sure no one was there. Jake dropped his bag and sat next to the door, rubbing his eyes. He could just sleep here.

And he did. He fell asleep in the music room for the entire morning.

The door burst open, scaring Jake awake. Five people filed into the room, not noticing. Only one did.

Sean shut the door and glanced down. His eyebrows rose as he watched Jake rubbing his face to wake himself up.

"Oh. Jake?" Sean asked.

"Hey, Sean!" Jake said, trying to act happy.

"Why're you here so early?" Sean asked, reaching a hand out to Jake to help him to his feet.

Jake shrugged and stood with the help of Sean, almost falling over due to not being fully awake.

"Thanks," Jake mumbled and yawned.

"Are you okay? You look sick," Sean admitted.

"I'm not sick. Just.. a bit tired! Couldn't sleep last night," Jake forced a laugh with this.

"Oh, you think you can sing today?" Sean asked. "I don't mean to offend, your voice just sounds kinda flat and I don't want to risk you hurting it."

"Ohh, yeah. I.. don't think I can, sorry," Jake admitted, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact with Sean.

"Don't be, it-" Sean said before being interrupted.

"Jake! When'd you get here!" Milly called from next to the electric guitar.

"Uhh," Jake mumbled awkwardly. "Just a few seconds ago."

Milly fanned him over with squinted eyes and a frown, and he made his way over, looking at the ground the whole time.

"What happened?" she whispered to him.

"Uhh, what do you mean?" Jake asked awkwardly.

"Don't play stupid with me," she complained, punching him in the shoulder.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, grabbing his shoulder.

"Sorry. But for real, what happened to ya?" she asked again.

Jake only shrugged. "Just.. didn't sleep."

"You look like you just cried for like- twenty four full hours," Milly pointed out. Jake chuckled in attempt to clear the tension.

"I'm fine, Mills. Thanks," Jake said with a convincing yet fake smile, lightly punching her shoulder.

Milly shook her head. "We're talking after this."

Jake sighed and rubbed his face once Milly turned away. "I'm going to the restroom, be back!" he told the group, attempting to talk in a normal tone, but failing due to voice cracks that made the club exchange looks.

"Uhh, is he okay?" Hailey asked.

"Tch, probably. I don't think we need to care," Zander said grumpily.

"Zander, don't be that way," said Hailey, "he's our friend now, we should care about him."

Zander rolled his eyes and Luke looked at the door Jake left from a minute ago. He then looked to Sean, who was still by the door, staring at something on the floor.

"Sean, do you think you could go check up on him?" Luke asked, and Sean looked up and smiled genially, nodding. He left and set off to the boy's restroom.

From a few feet in front of the door, all Sean could hear was the sound of muffled, echoing sobs. He furrowed his eyebrows and walked in, staring straight at Jake.