Gap: Eternity

Chapter 6: Scared

"Mon, why won't you talk to me today?" Khun Sam grabs my hand as I'm about to walk up to the second floor. I, who had been trying to hide my pain all day, stopped and turned to look at her with blood-red eyes and tears ready to fall down my cheeks. Khun Sam panicked: "Why are you crying?"

"Why did you write a will?"

This has been on my mind since this afternoon. The only reason I haven't said anything yet is because I'm afraid I would get loud and get into a fight with her at the office. The sweet-faced lady, who would normally keep her poker face, signs and explains to me again.

"Just in case."

"Do you think that you are going to die? Is that why you're doing all this preparation? Are you leaving Mon?"

"It's not like that. I just want to be prepared. Mon, talk to me."

But I shake her hand off and stomp up the stairs. Khun Sam comes after me and pulls me in for a back hug as we reach the bedroom.

"Don't touch Mon."

"Mon knows that I think everything through before I do it. And this is preparation for the unexpected events... We don't know whether what's in my head is a tumor or cancer. I don't want to do everything when it's too late. It's better to do the preparation while I am still capable of thinking straight."

"Khun Sam said there's nothing to worry about. This means you also think that you are dying?" I try to shake myself out from her hug, not wanting to listen to any more explanations.

You can say that I'm being stupid. But the fact that she's doing this all by herself hurts me because I love and care about her. "Why tell Mon that it will be okay if you don't think it will?"

"Mon. Do you really want to waste our valuable time fighting?"

"..."

"Can we make up and make the most of our time together? Can I ask that from you?"

Her voice is full of fear. It's annoying that what she's saying is unarguably reasonable. Yes... why should I waste time fighting with her? The person who's probably most frightened right now is Khun Sam, not me. I should give her all my support. When I come to my senses, I stop trying to pull away and rub the back of the hand of the person with the same height, starting to understand what she's trying to say.

"I'm sorry. Mon was wrong."

"We're not going to fight."

"Mon does not want to fight. Mon is just worried about you... Mon is hurt. Does Khun Sam understand Mon?"

"I understand. So tua have to understand what I'm doing too. I don't want things to get complicated after this. All we can do now is wait for the lab results to see if it's a tumor or cancer. While we wait for the result, let's be good to each other."

11 (Sob) Don't talk like that." Mon is afraid of losing Khun Sam."

"I'm not afraid of dying." Khun Sam hugs me tighter from behind and puts her chin on my shoulder. "But I'm afraid of not getting to be with you anymore. Let's make the most of today and each day that comes after."

She says that as she sniffs my neck and starts to draw her hands down the curves of my body the way she knows she can. I didn't stop her, as I knew what she wanted, and I'm ready to be hers at a time like this. I turn to her. She wipes off my tears before kissing me all over my face and nudging me towards the bed. Then she took off my clothes piece by piece until there was nothing left on me. I also help take off her clothes so that we can love each other like we always do.

However, it's different this time. It's more delicate, like she wants to memorize each action-the parts she likes the most and the parts I like the most. She showers me with kisses at all the places where she can best feel my pulse. She sniffs my body and keeps telling me how much she likes it.