Cold Winter Days

Chapter IX

My boots pound on the snow, rushing to where I saw Ice's jet go down. God, please let him be alright. I get closer and I know something isn't right.
Where is he? Why hasn't he rushed to me if he landed just there?!
"Ice?!" I call out, slowing slightly as I see the green of the parachute in between the dark of the trees and the white of the snow.
My heart feels like it's stopped. He's there. On the ground. "Ice!!"
He isn't moving. No.
"No, no no no-" I crash to my knees beside him, my breath coming out in gasps as I register the blood, vibrant red against everything, all over the right side of his face. "Ice.." I get out, scooping his torso out of the snow, holding him against me.
The blood's all over my hands. It's just like Goose.
"Ice- Tom, you're okay..." My voice trembles. "Please, look at me,"
His face is so pale, his eyes blue like the winter sky above us, snowflakes getting stuck in his lashes. "Pete..." his voice is nothing above a whisper.
"That's it, I'm here..."
He lifts up his hand to my cheek. "I'll be here..."
"Tom- please-" Hot tears start to slip down my cheeks, they almost burn.
"You.." He keeps pausing. "-can be my wingman... any time,"
A sob gets out of me. "No way," I say, through a smile. "You can be mine,"
Ice manages a smile, closing his eyes, his head relaxing against my shoulder, his hand dropping onto my arm.
"You'll be alright..." I say, kissing his head, "I love you, I love you so much..."
And even when his shoulders stop moving with each intake of breath, I keep my face pressed into his hair and my arms around him, wanting him to stay warm, needing him to keep going, even though its hopeless, even though it's too late, even though he's gone-

Maverick sits up, shaking, his breathing shallow.
"No no no, not again not again--" he gets out, tears running down his cheeks, his mind a painful haze, reliving the dream, over and over again.
Thunder booms outside, and he flinches, looking out of the window that's getting slashed with rain.
He presses his hands to his face, squeezing shut his eyes, trying to control his choppy breathing.
I have to go round. He'd still be up, right?
Maverick glances at the alarm clock, it says 1:29 am.
I don't care if I'm going to be soaked. I just need to see him.
Lightning lights up the rain on his window, a loud crack accompanying it, Maverick's still startled by it, but less so than the first one.
He gets out of bed, and gets on his jeans and jacket with the fluffy collar, stuffs his door key in his pocket, and leaves.

Five minutes later, he arrives at Ice's apartment and goes up to the door and rings the bell, standing in the front porch, dripping and shivering. It still feels like there's snow on his hands.
"Who is that-?" Ice says to himself, a step away from turning off the lights and heading to bed.
Outside, Maverick rings the bell again. Has he already gone to bed..? Is it too late?
"I'm coming, I'm coming hold on," Ice says, slinging on a jumper and going to the door.
He's gone to bed and I don't want to wake him up by ringing the bell again, Maverick thinks. He turns to go but the noise of Ice unlocking the door makes him turn around again.

"Maverick..?" Ice asks, his brow furrowed. What is he doing here at twenty five to two? He thinks. Why does he look so distraught? "C- come in Mav, you're soaking,"
He goes through the door and into Ice's softly lit apartment, staring at his shoes as Ice slowly takes his sodden jacket from him and hangs it over a radiator.
Ice comes back over to him and pushes Maverick's wet hair out of his eyes.
Maverick clenches his jaw, not looking at him.
"What're you doing here at this time..?"
Now he was inside, the shivers are rapidly escalating into a full case of the shakes. But he doesn't dare to look at Ice, just knowing that if he did, he would break.
"Mav, look at me," Ice's voice is hushed.
He gives up, raising his eyes to look at the taller pilot, and just the smallest hint of eye contact absolutely shatters the wall of defence he put up. His hands shoot up to cover his face, and his legs fold beneath him.
"Pete-" Ice ends up on the floor with him and pulls him closer, whispering, "Come here, it's alright..."
"It- I had a- a dream-" He sniffs. "It was- like Goose, but you-" his throat seizes up and he just can't get it out, so he cries harder because of it.
"Shhh..." Ice murmurs into his hair, rocking him ever so slightly. "Take your time, there's no rush.."

Once Maverick had let the doors to the dream's memory open, there was no stopping it hurriedly. Ice slowly runs his hands through Maverick's damp hair, waiting patiently with all the time in the world for Maverick to slow down his breathing and let the sobs even out.
He has his head on Ice's shoulder, but he flinches when the thunder suddenly booms outside.

"I know you Pete," Ice says quietly. "So there must be a reason you don't look at me for a week, then you turn up here in the middle of the night and break down in my arms,"
"I- I had a dream, a week ago, and then tonight," he exhales shakily. "..about- how- that you.. um," the words are uncoordinated and messy in his mind. "We.. we were doing a mis-mission or- something, and- we got shot down and... it was, it was, like how Goose.. but it was you-"
"Pete.. what? Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
He raises his head slowly, staring into Ice's eyes. "I don't know.."
Iceman kisses him between his eyebrows. "Oh Mav... I'm not gonna let that happen.. I promise you that," He gently wipes his thumb under Maverick's eyes, ridding the tears from his cheeks.
Maverick sniffs again, leaning into Ice's touch.
How did he make himself avoid him for a week? How did he manage to, anyway?

"It's getting late..." Ice says softly.
Maverick swallows, sitting back slightly. "I can go back,"
"And get soaking wet on the way back to a lonely room? No way," Ice says, frowning at him.
Maverick looks down at his hands in his lap. "What do you... um, suggest then?"
"You can sleep in my bed,"
"..what? Why?" he asks quietly, taken aback by Ice's suggestion.
"Mav, seriously, it's cold and there's a hell of a storm outside. I wouldn't be a very good wingman if I made you walk back to your place at two in the morning," he explains, standing up slowly and offering his hand to him.
Maverick looks at Ice, and then his hand.
"Come on,"
He waits a second longer before taking his hand and standing up in front of him.

"Pete. Lay down," Ice says from beside him.
Maverick reluctantly does so, feeling awkward and strangely unwanted, even though Ice insisted he sleep there.
"You're not unwanted," Ice says, as if he was reading Maverick's mind.
Thunder suddenly booms outside, and Maverick flinches.
Ice shifts closer to him and allows him to do the same before wrapping his arms around him.
Maverick sighs as deeply as his throat and lungs will allow him, his breath still shaking.
Ice was so warm.

It felt like he was cared for, and needed by someone, and loved, even though it was a different love to how he felt towards Ice at the beginning of everything, before everything went wrong and Maverick voluntarily grounded himself.
He wondered if he could ever love Ice that way again. Or if Ice would ever love him in that way again. He hoped he could, even if it took time to happen again.

"Ic- Tom..?"
"Mhmm?"
"Thank you for... not giving up on me,"
"What do you mean, not giving up?"
"I ignored you for a week, anyone else I know would've just stopped trying, or just not cared about why anymore,"
"I knew you wouldn't do something like that without something happening before," Ice says, looking at him. "I would never give up on you,"
Maverick is left at a loss for words, looking into Ice's eyes, and even though the darkened room makes it hard to see all the blue and the detail in them, like the darker rim, he doesn't really mind, he knows he cares for him, and right now, that's all that matters. He sniffs, breathing in the warm smell of Ice.
Ice smiles softly, watching Maverick loose all the tension and all the stress inside of him. He gently runs his hand through his hair, it makes him shiver.
"You alright?" he asks.
"Now," Maverick pauses for a second. "I think so,"
Ice kisses his forehead as Maverick shifts forward to bury himself back in his embrace.
"I lo-" Maverick stops himself, and disguises the confession as a clearing of his throat.
"I love you too," Ice catches on though, beginning to feel the flame beginning back in his chest.
Please let us go back to what we were like before everything changed. He thinks, longing for that feeling of being with the dark-haired pilot in his arms again, for the feeling of sunshine inside him, for that loving feeling to return to his life.