Words from my Soul

Just a Friend

Is it true that I miss you or is it that I like the feeling of sorrow?

Can I want your presence or do I want what I can't have?

Because if you'd asked me before you changed your mind, I would have told you, I'll never care for you in such a way that your presence gives me relief and your encouraging words are the one thing keeping me from feeling useless.

Or that when I hear that she has your undivided attention, I'm jealous because now I have no one else to cheer me up quite like you.

Realizing too late that I had no one that could replace you.

I'd rather be angry than admit I believed your lies. Going against my very nature, while you spin tall tales. "Not a single person could stop me from being a friend to you. No matter what happens I'll still be there for you. I truly love you."

Foolishly believing you'd know exactly what words to say. That your cheesy phrases would block another one of my bad days. Showing you my deepest insecurities left a hollow in my chest. Knowing every little detail that'll make me break.

I knew! I knew that one day you'd find that someone who would make you feel all warm and fuzzy; Praying for that day to come and I'd be ready. I'd held on to hope that maybe you'd be different.

That person came. I'd thought you'd remember me in case I needed a friend's encouragement. Calling your phone and you'd be there. That you weren't around just because you had a puppy dog crush on me.

You had stayed knowing I'd never share that love that makes you weak at the knees. Hoping, always hoping that the time together was far longer than those hours in between. And however long apart would be replaced once put back into place. Like a lost puzzle piece put right back in its place.

I remember all the times you've broken that promise before she came into the picture. Now wondering if you were ever a constant figure. Deciding to stay angry is a lot easier than feeling the full force of hurt and betrayal.

Betrayed by a friend who only stood around for the love he thought he had for me. Hurt for being just another female to conquer.

If only I could say my heart didn't fall victim to your flattering ways. Sadly that isn't the case and now my heart's exposed to your sharp blade.

Fooled into playing your mind games, did you forget there was a human behind this face?

Being friend zoned wasn't an insult to your love proclamation. It was a title that only one other person possessed. You brushed it aside because it wasn't what you signed up for.

Well maybe now I've learned my lesson, never trust a boy to separate the lines between friendship and a lover's affection. Or was I expecting too much of a friend's attendance?
~
I wrote this after I stopped talking to one of my best guy friends. I've had guy friends before but he was different. He started to become someone I was able to talk to about anything. I'm sure many girls could relate to their guy friends confessing to them, he was one of them. When he got a girlfriend I stopped texting and calling him as often as I use to to respect their relationship. I went through an extremely difficult situation and honestly I wanted to tell him everything. When I tried to reach out to him it had become evident that he didn't really care. XOXO 💋