Hushed

0.4 Out Of It

!!!TW this chapter contains many bad thoughts and bad actions (suicide attempts) if you dont feel comfortable please skip this chapter or stop reading now, Thx <3!!!

I stayed home again... Not because I didnt get any sleep, or because im sick. im just tierd, not sleepy tierd, tierd of everything. Im tierd of life, living, being existant. If I was gone maybe there wouldnt be rainy days and thunderstorms, maybe if I was gone finn would have other friends, better friends, maybe if i was gone I wouldnt be noticed, no one would even suspect me not being in the room, maybe if I was gone conversations wouldnt be so... akward. Life would be so much better, without me...

I look over and see a blade and after i know it, theres blood...

1.2.3 a repeative pattern, I look down and to see the once white pretty floral paper towel is now stained with red bloody marks and my arm the same. tears rolling down my face with a shimmer from the window beside me. Suddenly I hear footsteps coming to my room, I quickly wrap the blade in a paper towel and shove it under my pillow, then I roll down my sleeve hoping blood wont seep through, then wipe my tears. My mom walks in wondering what she heard.

"Sweetie? are you okay?" my mother asked concerned

"Yeah, why wouldnt I?" I say trying to be persasive

"Oh, well I heard something coming from your room?" she says puzzled

Crap, I was being way to loud...

"Sweetie?" she askes

I snap back into it "Oh sorry uhm maybe it was my phone it was up pretty loud." i reply

"Oh alright then, I love you!" my mother says in a cheerful additude

"Love you..." I mummble back still 'out of it'

As a couple hours pass by im still stuck on what came over me when I did tha-,that horrible thing. I rub the bandages on my arm with blood almost overflowing out of the bandage, I flinch "ow" I exclaim the skin from my arm is still raw and it hurts, everything has felt so weird latley. Ive felt weird... 'out of it' that word keeps coming up in my head non stop.

O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂  O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳̂O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸̧̤͙̱̜͓̮̦͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃̅̈́ù̷̬͙̗̟̻̪͍̂̈́t̴̨̺̜͆̆ ̵̢̢̧̻͔̰̼̗̝̞̩̗̂̂͆̏̀͗̀͝Ơ̵̢͚͍̠͕̍̑̒̅̌f̵͈͋̋̏̈́̃ ̵̣̜̘̭̦̥̟͋͐́̆͆͊̈́̕͘Ỉ̶͉̦͚̳͉̼̳̿̈́̃̒͐̅̎͗͗͗͝t̶̬̤̳͓̂ O̸͛̓̉̊̇̃̉͋̅̃

That Demented word, scary, frightening... 'out of it...' I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate itI hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate itI hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate itI hate it, I hate it, I hate it....

-Gasp- I wake up from a dream... a dream... I look down at my arm in a paniced manner...

T̸̺̮̖̤̼̺̯͈͋͗̇̓̾͜͜ḫ̷̥̻̰͚̦̱̪̞͚̩͔̘̒̈͜e̶͍͖͔̝̹̭̼͗̿͊̈́̅͆̓͌̀͊̈́͗̋̽̔͆͘͝ŗ̴̨̢̢̥̫͎͙̠̮͓̙̘̭͂́͊͊̒̾͋̎̽͌̐͂̈͒̈̕͝e̴͎̘̹̺̬͕̘͈͑̅͑͗̐̊̍̓͗̍́͋͋̅̕̚ ̵̛̙̏̓̌͋͑͘w̷̡̢͖̘̟̹̗͙̪̭̙̠̲͓̻̦̄a̶̢̡̲͙͙̪͍̳͓͉͙̖̙̱̳̯͕̅́͛̇̔̍̽͜s̴̢̺̪͂͌͊̒̏̈́̕ ̷̮̻͔̟̂̉̉͂̍͌̆̒͐͑͋̕͜n̵̨̬̣̰̘̘̲͒͌̆̊̽̍̆̍̊̈́͌̿̍̇̉̎̕͠ͅo̵̢̤͓͚̣͍̙̪̫̺̯̩͖̗̺̹͊ͅͅt̴̡̩̻͈̭̮͚̤̜̮̙̥͓͚̘̼͑̿̄͛͛͑̑̀͋͊̋̅̏h̴̡̡̢̥͔̖̲͇̬̜́͌i̵̺̗̤̱̠͍̫͙̙̻̺̺̻̳̩̒̈́n̶̝͎̜̳̓̌͑̋̒̎͛̏͂͒̓͜͝g̸̨̨̨̧̡̥̳̺͈͖̲̦̝͚͙͇̀͌̄̄͜͝ ̸̢̡̨̘̪͎͇͕̞̜̭̰̟̼̝̲̃̓͊̋̎̑̏͜ͅt̴͍̳̻̲̯̯̼̂̑̽̂̌̄̐̒̀̋͘͘͝h̷̡͕̜̝̺̦̻̭͓̻̼̖̠̪̊͛̍̆̿̈́̔͌͂̈́͐͘͠͝e̵̱̻͈͋̿̅͊̄͊͛͒̏́̓̈́́̃̕͝͝͝r̶͓̰͈͈̝̲͔̫̜̓̈́̀͊̀̽̋͐͘e̸͇͙͖͍̓̄̓̽͘.̵̤̖͈̙̹͌̊̾͛̄̎̈̍̚͜͝.̵̛̦̙͖̹̐̔͌͌̍͑͊͒͘̕͝͠.̸̢͇̖͕͇͔̗̺̀̉̈̋͛̀͊̚͝ͅ