Tainted

Prologue

Prologue

(6 years ago)

"Alia" Sincerity laced her tone as she spoke but that didn't exclude the terror of the words that followed, "Can you tell me what happened?". My throat struggles to form moisture, my lips sewn shut. Wire pliers carving holes into my fractured heart. I turn my head, towards Mum sitting next to me hoping she can answer. I see her mouth moving but I can't hear anything. My eyes close, but my mind opens. Darkness surrounds me replacing the colour I once saw. No tunnel of light providing me a way out. No hands to guide me to safety. Expect one, but he's guiding me to hell, his home, my point of no return.

26, 27, 28.

28 children toys. 28 children's toys are displayed in the corner of the room. 28 children's toys that weren't made to be in this room. Kids should be playing with toys in their room after dinner, not in this room while being asked "Can you tell me what happened?". Kids should be clueless about the demon's that roam this world, they should be immune to the stories that are told in this room, shielded from the horror of the world. But no, demons don't discriminate.

The thing is, when someone takes something as vulnerable as your body, they don't just stop there. They take away your thoughts, the thoughts that make you want to live. They take away the things you enjoyed, the things that woke you up in the morning with a smile. They take away your mind. And without our mind, what are we?

I see eyes staring in my direction. "So here we are" My mum's voice fills the space. "I'm sorry that happened to you, I really am" The lady's gentle voice says. Another apology I don't want to hear. No amount of words is going to change what happened, so what's the point of speaking? I send her a nod, my throat incapable of making any noise.

My eyes to the ground, my hair covering my face like a wall. "Thank you for coming to see me, I'll schedule another session for next week, if that's okay with you?" She says and I look up from the ground to Mum. "Talk for me, please" I say with my eyes since my mouth can't speak. She gets the message. "That works perfectly. Thank you again for taking time to talk to Alia. We both are very appreciative" Mum shakes her hand with her signature smile. "Of course" She turns to me and crouches down. "You're a very strong young girl. You'll be okay and if you're not, that's okay too". She pats my arm before returning to her full height. "Don't be a stranger, Alia". A sense of peace comes from her words. A flicker of light sparking in my mind, before a hand puts it out. He's still here, overtaking my every thought, I don't know how to get rid of him and the scars he left behind.

I open the front door, my shoulders tensing with the wave of summer air. I feel drops off sweat slide down my neck and run under my sweatshirt, I'm craving to be in a material thinner and shorter but the bruises lining my arms like second skin, denies me that pleasure. Groups of people fill the streets. What if he's hiding among the crowd? Waiting for me.

"Are you ok, love?" Mum says while unlocking the car. No. "Yes". The one worded lie spills out of my mouth and dangles in the air for her to pick up, she doesn't. "I know how you're feeling, Alia" Mum says. Her words create a vacuum in the air that pulls me under. "What?" My attention focuses on her, waiting for an explanation.

"I've been in your position, honey" Her voice falters, her shoulders tensing, and so do mine. I stare at her, no words forming on my tongue. 

"I was 17. I was camping on a school trip, it was my first proper time away from home. I was already scared of being away from Nan and Poppa and I never really liked camping either. I was supposed to share a tent with another girl but she went home earlier because she got sick or something like that so I was forced to sleep in a tent with a boy". My head grows dizzy. "I went to sleep and everything was normal, except for when I woke up. I was in the bathroom going to the toilet and when I reached to pull my underwear down, they were gone and replaced by bruises". I feel a tear break free, pieces of my heart crumbling with each droplet.

 "The memories haunted me every day for a long time. I didn't see the world in colour, he took it all away. But, look at me now" She turns her glazed eyes to me, her hand finding mine. "I've got you and I'm happier than ever. That'll be you, Ali. It may take a month, a year, maybe a few, but you'll be happier and overcome this. I promise you". I take her hand and press it to my heart, needing the comfort. "I love you to the moon and back, Alia" Mum whispers, her eyes still on the road.  For as long as I can remember she's always said that to me.

.A few years ago, I asked her "Mummy, why to the moon and back? " She looked me in the eye with pure, untouched love and replied "Because our heart pumps enough blood in our lifetime to get us to the moon and back, so when I say 'I love you too the moon and back, I'm saying I love you every second my hearts beating, for the rest of my life".

As long as the moon still exists, I know Mum's here with me and I'm going to be okay.