Just Friends

Chapter 5: Resisting love.

Noah's pov

It's safe to say that he drives me crazy. There's something about him that makes me incredibly mad about him. I'm not sure if it's his perverted ways. Or if it's just his way of being a person. And it's not even that I don't like it or that it gets me mad-

It gets me mad that I love it.

That I love him.

I'm not saying I feel bad about loving his ways, because I have always loved his ways. Because he's my best friend. Since I can think, he's been the one by my side and I'm not saying that I get mad about his ways...it's just something- that makes me mad about him.

And that's the thrill of it all.

He drives me nuts in a matter of seconds and happy again in the next. He can make my feelings jump through a roof top without even saying a word. He just has to be there and my mood changes immediately to the bad and to the good.

If it's to the bad it's just because he's an annoying little fuck but that mood changes again in like 2 seconds.

He's my knight in shining armour and I couldn't wish for a better best friend.

But recently he seems different. Not different as in more sexual, because he's always wanted to fuck me.

It's just that he looks at me differently and I'm not sure if it's in a bad way or in a good way. He just stares at me sometimes and I keep thinking...is he thinking about me?

Why is he thinking about me?

Is he questioning his friendship to me?

That's one of my greatest fears.

Losing him. Because I can never lose him. If I were to lose him I would lose a piece of myself.

I really would.

He's a part of me.

I like how he treats me. He treats me like I am his prince. I love it. And I love how fucking bad he wants me. I can't seem to believe that he just wants to fuck me so he can 'protect me'. Even though that is an extremely cute reason.

I still believe it is because I am the only one he hasn't fucked yet. He needs to check me off his list, probably.

And I'm not letting him do that.

Because that's the thing holding him so close to me. He hasn't had me yet.

Oh god how scared I am that he won't love me as much...once he has had me. Fuck.

It's not like I dont want to have sex with him.

Of course I want. He is so damn sexy. And he knows that. He has the body of a god. Of course I would want to fuck him whenever I can.

But I can't.

I feel like he needs me. I don't know why- but I feel like...everything in his life is inconsistent and I'm one of the few permanent things in his life.

Permanent.

I always have been and always will be there.

But I definetly need him. He makes me feel loved. He makes me feel special.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I feel like I am on my period." I sighed.

I couldn't sleep.

I didn't know what time it was but it was definetly in the middle of the night.

And I just talked into nothing. It's been hours since we wamted to sleep.

"I love you." Jordan hummed.

"I love you, too." I giggled and cuddled deeper into him.

Then Jordan turned his face so it was in my neck. And he began kissing my it lightly.

"You're so cute." He mumbled.

It sounded almost like he was asleep.

What twink was he dreaming about again?

Wait. He said he loved him.

So he's dreaming about me.

He only loves me. See, this dude has trust issues. I know he only truly loves and trusts me.

So he was having another sex dream of us. I got him all figured out. That's what I like to believe. But I actually don't.

I rolled my eyes and smacked his chest and woke him up.

"I won't have sex with you and I will not have you fucking me in your dreams." I laughed.

"Fuck you." He moaned and crushed his face into his pillow. "And I wasn't fucking you-" He wasn't? "You were fucking me."

"Oh. Well, the same. I won't have-" I kissed his cheek quickly. "sex with you."

"I was going to say your loss but...it would be mine too." He yawned.

"Yeah. Both of our losses." I chuckled and knew he was back asleep.

This guy...

I can't believe how often I jacked off to the image of him fucking me.

He thinks I want him so bad...and he's right. He's always been right.

I can't even pinpoint the date when I started to get attracted to him. It has just been so long.

But it's been so fucking hard to resist him lately.

I hate it so much.

I hate that I want him.

Because it just wouldn't mean as much to him as it would to me, if I gave in.

I don't want to have sex with someone I don't love. But I love Jordan. As a best friend. As a brother.

Not the 'I love him he's my boyfriend' kind of way but the 'I would jump off a building for him' kind of way.

I think. If that makes sense.

I'm scared that-

If I let him fuck me-

If we take that huge step-

That I will seriously fall in love with him.