???
why must i grow up
why must i force myself to fit into the XL shirt of adulthood
do they not have my size? it sags.
i seek freedom
did God believe i sought abonnement?
i want my mother to hold me on the couch
i want my father to tuck me in my bed
kiss me goodnight
and wake me up before the nightmares take the remnants of my soul. dirty. used.
i want to touch the face of my siblings before i sleep and not feel the signs of age
i want to pet my dog and not see the greying spot underneath his chin spread
i was desperate for liberation
ravenous for change yet i search in all the wrong places
for a time i will never return to.
they talk about fear of growing up in terms of finding wrinkles
but i am okay with wrinkles. i am okay with my societal worth diminishing as the birthday candles and hands of men that reach for my breasts increment
but when time taints the body of my loved ones
i cannot help but weep
