Upside Down and Inside Out

Chapter 2: A Most Unwelcome Visitor

As I lie awake a few hours later, I replay mine and Robin's conversation over and over in my mind. I know I said her confession didn't change anything, but I'm not entirely sure that's true.

It certainly doesn't change how much I love her and how much I want her to be in my life. God, I never want to lose Robin Buckley. This revelation does, however, change the way I view our whole interaction before Max and El joined us.

The electricity, the magnetic pull I felt toward her left me flustered. It felt a lot like it did when Steve and I started dating. It's the same thing I felt when Jonathan and I used to get into stupid arguments all the time before we finally admitted our feelings for one another. But the intensity? That's off the charts. It's been a really long time since I've felt this way...

I roll onto my side and look out at the stars through my window. Even after everything finally ended with the upside down, it took almost a year before I could sleep without the curtains drawn. Now, I see the night sky as a reminder of our safety and freedom. It calms me more than most anything else.

Once my mind is a bit calmer, I take a deep breath and allow my mind to wander back to Robin. When that weird electricity happened, I chalked it up to my imagination. I decided that there was no way we wanted to kiss each other.

But now I'm wondering if maybe she did want to kiss me. Not that I'm one of those girls who thinks every gay woman has a crush on me. Those girls are kind of the worst. But, I wasn't just imagining that chemistry. I guess I could've been the only one feeling it, but somehow I doubt that too. If we didn't both want to kiss, it wouldn't have been that intense.

Wait.

Both of us wanted to kiss. Both. Of. Us. Wanted. To. Kiss. Holy shit I wanted to kiss Robin. What does that mean? Am I a lesbian too? No I can't be a lesbian because I definitely enjoyed being with Jonathan and Steve. But I'm pretty sure I almost kissed my best friend a few hours ago, so there's no way I could be straight. But maybe I was just confused, and I'm totally straight. How am I supposed to figure all of this out? Jesus Christ.

...

I'm not sure how long I tossed and turned before I finally fell asleep last night, but I jolt awake, disoriented and groggy. I look around my room, blinking hard to get it to come into focus.

What woke me up? I don't think I was having a nightmare or anything like that. Confusion clouds my mind as I stare blearily at the alarm clock on my nightstand. It couldn't be that either. It's Saturday; I don't set alarms on Saturdays. The sunlight streaming through my window is pale and watery, not nearly bright enough to wake me up.

Before I can figure it out, someone knocks loudly on my bedroom door. Well, that would do it. I climb out of bed, stumbling a little, and open the door. The subject of my middle of the night existential crisis is standing in front of me, still in her pajamas. "Robin, why are you banging on my door at seven in the morning on a Saturday?"

"Because we have an unexpected, and kind of unwanted visitor." Robin's jaw is clenched, and her voice is tight with irritation.

"Did Max and Eleven come back?" I ask, rubbing sleep from my eyes.

She scoffs, waving her hand impatiently as if I'm supposed to understand by now. "No, they're always welcome. A different kind of visitor."

"Eddie and Steve? Why the fuck are they awake this early? I thought we were supposed to go to lunch at two, not breakfast at eight." I try unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn as I wait for Robin to respond.

"No. As annoying as they both are, I really don't mind when they come over. I actually kind of love it, and I know you do too. Plus, Nance, when have you ever known Eddie to be up before noon?" She rolls her eyes, despite the tension in her shoulders.