Destiel oneshots

Running On Empty.

CW/TWs: Series Spoilers/Canonverse/Angst/Canonical Character Death/Hurt No Comfort/Ambiguous Ending.

After the Empty took Castiel, Dean just sat there looking at the empty space in front of him until he finally crumbles. He pressed his back harshly against the brick wall as he pulls his knees to his chest like a small scared child. His heart sank as he was overcome with so many emotions. Suddenly his phone starts ringing in his pocket, playing a Taylor Swift song. Sam had changed it as a prank a while back and he just kept it instead of changing it back because he liked the song and he thought it was funny. Dean couldn't answer, he couldn't speak, he couldn't think even. He was hurting. His soul was hurting. So he just let his phone ring as the song played.

"It's so excruciating to see you low
Just wanna lift you up and not let you go
This ultraviolet morning light below
Tells me this love is worth the fight, oh"

"I lived like an island, punished you with silence
Went off like sirens, just crying
Why'd I have to break what I love so much?
It's on your face, don't walk away, I need to say"

"Hey
It's all me in my head
I'm the one who burned us down
But it's not what I meant
I'm sorry that I hurt you
I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you
I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you
I need to say, hey
It's all me, just don't go
Meet me in the afterglow"

The song played again as tears slowly rolled down Dean's cheeks that were lightly dusted with freckles. For once nothing else mattered and he thought of no one. Not his mom, not his dad, not Bobby, or anyone else they've met along the way, alive or dead. Not even Jack and Sammy didn't even cross his mind at that moment even though he knew his brother was in danger. Dean sucked in a shaky breath moving his eyes to see the bloody hand print. It made him think about the scar he once had that he saw for the first time in that run down gas n' sip after he crawled out of his grave. It was the first time Castiel had ever touched him and it left a feeling he would never get from anyone else. The bloody hand print was in the same place.

The hunter got emotional sometimes, but he wasn't a huge crier. Maybe a few tears here and there along with some hurt expressions, but this... loosing Castiel... it was unbearable. Nothing he's ever been through will hurt as much as this does. He'll never be able to get him back. He's gone. The angel is gone. The love of his life was gone! ... And he didn't even say thing back. Dean just stood there when Castiel laid his heart on the line. When the angel confessed with a sad smile at first he couldn't process what he was saying. The angel never stopped smiling even when the Empty's black goo was wrapping around his body then took him away. How long had he been in love with him? When did happened? When it when he pulled him from hell? Was it one a case when they worked it together? When?!

When had he fallen for the angel. Why did he not know until now? This... this feeling. It was love. This incredible emptiness isn't something he's felt before except when Castiel had died previously. Dean has never felt this way with others. Not with Cassie and not with Lisa. Did he even truly like them? He cared deeply sure, but this feeling wasn't the same as when he had Castiel wipe everything about him out of Lisa and Ben's memories after they got kidnapped by demons. The angel... he was always there. Always ready to help, to serve, and Dean treated him like crap half the time. He treated him like he was just a tool. A pawn. Now Castiel is gone. He's dead again and the hunter didn't say he loved him back. He just stood there in shock that someone... someone like Castiel, an angel of the lord could like him, could love him.

Dean was too tainted, too human, too violent, and not worthy of such love. Not from an angel. Anna was a different story. She didn't love him. Not like Castiel did and Dean knew that even when they had sex in his car. It was a one time thing. Then later she tried to kill them. Even when the angel was being control my Naomi he broke out of it which is a testament to the power of his feelings. Had he loved the hunter since before that? Seriously how long had Castiel suffered in silence? How long had he loved the hunter from distance only for the hunter to take advantage of him? This was anguish. He feels like shit, but he's sure the angel has felt worse. Dean gulps in air. His phone had long stopped ringing, but all he could think about now were the next like of lyrics.