Limerance

5|

☆°。
December 17, 2011
I move around. Ew. There's something wet under me. I'm too tired to get up, but I reach my hand under myself and feel. What the fuck is this? Oh my god. It's sand. It's wet sand. I quickly sit up and look around. It's semi-dark, and I can't remember clearly what the last thing I did was. Why can't I remember?

I know what it wasn't, I still have my clothes on. I know who I was with, and that he left me here. He probably threw my sweatshirt somewhere around here, my phone too?

•*⁀➷

Kevin clearly doesn't want me as much as I was hoping he did.

"Thanks Sol."
"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

I wave goodbye to her and go into my house.

Sol drove me home after I found my phone and called her. I owed her an explanation, but instead I gifted her a lie I couldn't un-tell.

•*⁀➷
December 30, 2011
          This feeling's not comfortable. Kevin's ignored me for the last two weeks. No text, or anything. I know we're on break, but that's only for school, not for whatever we are.

I can't take this.

I get up off my bed. The guilty feeling of laying in bed all day hasn't lifted, and I walk to his house.

I knock at his door and to my surprise, Celie opens. "Oh hi Celie! Where's your mommy?" I crouch down to hug her. She gives me a tight squeeze, "mommy went to get something at the store! Before she left, she said she wishes evie was here to watch me!" She looks up at me with her beautiful eyes when she says my name. I smile. "Where's Kevin? Is he upstairs?" Celie nods. "Celie," I crouch back down. "If your mommy asks, or even if she doesn't, I wasn't here, okay?" She nods again.

I get back up and walk up the stairs after turning the tv on for Celie.

I don't know what I'm doing. I lightly tap on his door. He opens the door.

"What are you doing here?" He tilts his head.
"you were ignoring me, so I came here,"
"who told you you could do that?"

I take a step towards him, walking into his room. He takes two steps back.
"Why'd you leave me at that beach, alone?"
"I had to go." He responds.
"Oh."

I walk past him, coming closer to his window. "I've come here before, so I thought you'd be fine with it. Do you want me to leave?"

"I wasn't ignoring you."

"You never tried to talk to me again, so I didn't either." He says. I look around. "What do you do for fun anyways? I see you at your desk a lot." I ignore him.

"I collect viruses."

He's staring. Is there something on my face? "That's only fun to—"

my eyes still wide open, his lips land on mine.

He kisses me and forces his tongue into my mouth. Our tongues twirl and i force my eyes shut. His rough lips are on mine.

He pulls away. "Is that what you wanted?"

"n-I didn't-"

"Evangeline, I've seen you staring at me in school and through your window."

"That doesn't mean you can do that whenever you want. You took my first kiss you know?" I look at him with a blank face. I wanted it to be special, but whatever.

"So you didn't want that?"

"I don't kn-"

He kisses me roughly, like he's desperate for something. His hands lay on my waist. He's slowly pushing me to his bed. He's trying his best to be subtle but it's clear what he's doing. I know I shouldn't let him, but I can't stop him. If it's what makes him happy, then I'll just deal with it.

I soon realize I'm laying on his bed now. He's on top of me.

His hand is now at my thigh and he's still kissing me and this is all going so fast..

He's getting what he wants right?

like a doll, I let him do whatever he wants and move every time he goes further.

I didn't even realize his fingers slip inside me. He moves them and it doesn't feel right but It doesn't feel bad.

Im not here, I space out with my eyes closed so this all goes by faster. It's okay, I'll get the boy after.

I don't notice when he pushes his way inside. It hurts.

I made a painful groan.

"Is this your first time?" He says hesitantly. He places his hand on my hip gently. "You can tell me if you don't want to," 'you already did.' I don't say. My eyes are still squeezed shut. I know that if I talk I'll start crying. Im squeezing my eyes shut as hard as I can so no tears slip out. I have no idea what expression I'm making or what he looks like right now. I just shake my head. I lie.

Im counting the minutes in my head. I want this to be over already.

——————-

"Evangeline," he groans.
He finishes and drops down on me. He wraps his arms around me. I leave my hands around his neck. I play with my rings. I touch his hair, opposite of his chapped lips, it's soft. "Will you talk to me now?" I ask him. "You're adorable." He says.
                                       •*⁀➷

He gets up. He's turned around putting on the clothes I didn't even realize he took off. I have a chance to get up and wipe my face with my hands. He can't tell I was gonna cry. God I'm so dramatic.

"Im gonna go home," I say trying my best to mask the fact that I'm hurt.

He doesn't turn around and he stays silent as he's still putting on his clothes.

I walk out of his room and shut the door. I let out a shaky breath I've been holding in. My tears are forming and before they could fall out, I wipe them with my palm. I almost run down the stairs and out the door.
☆。°