Gambler of Feelings

Chapter Twenty Four

His first date with Sarada went better than he expected. They texted each other regularly afterwards. Now that they had one date behind them, Boruto wasn't sure what to think of this recent development in his life. One date wasn't enough for him to know if he'd be able to move on and love her. He did like her, but was it love? She said she loves him. Love was a stronger emotion compared to only liking someone. He experienced it before with Asami, right? Was it love or just him liking her? Maybe his relationship with Asami ended in a way it did because he didn't love her enough and only liked her.

If that were the case, wouldn't it be unfair to Sarada to repeat his own mistake by prolonging going out on dates, while being unclear about where he stands decision-wise? It was like a bunch of rocks were falling down on him with no warning and demanded for him to hurry to save his life from meeting its end. And like he was desperate enough to cling onto a lifeline that would make everyone else happy, even if he'd end up crushed underneath the weight of everyone's hopes and dreams.

Boruto hated to let anyone else down. However, when Sarada's name was flashing through his mind, that was amplified to a degree that made him terrified of not meeting her expectations. He could not explain why. She was the person he desired to be noticed by the most. That meant the pressure and fear something could go wrong was an unbearable thought.

Was it even possible without him doubting his life choices? First stages of dating were always fun, but it was what happened after that fun Boruto couldn't help questioning.

What if she was only pretending to be interested in him? It'd be undeniably crushing under the weight of expectations he didn't fulfil, or things he did, asking himself what he did wrong and feeling like a real idiot for giving Sarada hope, while not knowing his full answer. He wanted to trust Sarada, really. It's just every time he makes a step forward, he also makes a step backward, consumed by the negative memories of his past relationship. Deep down, he knew he shouldn't decide anything in that state of being.

Expressing affection even as a friend was hard for him. Sarada was very bold with expressing her emotions lately. It wasn't an unwelcome change for him. He liked it a lot. He did not know how to respond to her boldness. Boruto admired Sarada's courage a lot. Maybe that's why he was so afraid to screw everything up. He admired her too much. His respect for her only grew with time when she admitted she has a hard time conveying her emotions to others, while ending up openly pursuing him.

"I need to clear up my mind," he muttered. Maybe talking about this fresh development with his friends would help? It was the weekend but they can still meet at school. Being the principal's son had its perks sometimes. Boruto didn't like the idea of asking his dad for favours, although there are exceptions. One of those exceptions was making sure to properly consider Sarada being happy in the end.

He speed-dialled Shikadai, who was apparently hanging out with Sumire. They both promised to arrive at Boruto's proposed meeting space to have a private conversation.

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Sumire, Shikadai and Boruto were inside of the empty school, walking towards the room they were most familiar with — their club room. They closed the door, moving to favourite seating spots each of them had. Once they sat down, it was the time for a private talk Boruto sought.

"Are you okay?" Shikadai asked him, furrowing his brows. He rarely started the conversation first, so that was quite a shock. His gaze focused on Boruto. "You don't look too good."

Sumire turned her head around in both directions her friends sat. "I'd let you speak first, but Shikadai's right. Are you not feeling well? We were pretty worried about your sudden call to discuss something urgent."