What have you done...

The Truth

You've abused me more then I know.
You've betrayed my trust many times.
You've given me a taste of your addictive "love" and I was foolish enough to keep hitting it.
You've fed me the belief that you actually had feelings for me and I ate it up as if I was without it my whole life.
You've planted your memory into my mind, the roots run deep but the cracks it's caused run deeper.
You say you've changed from your past but the real truth is, the truth that I'm unwilling to see, that everything you've said to me is a colossal lie.

You still do drugs, yet you tell me you don't.
You tell me you don't see the people you've told me about, but yet no matter how much you try to convince me that they aren't in your life, I know now that they are.
You tell me that you like me a lot, but yet you have other relationships that you don't tell me about and as soon as we get close you evict me from your life and run back to them as if I was labeled dangerous and they were your only protection.
You're an awful person...
You take what you know you can, promise something greater, then run off never to be seen again leaving the victim to bleed out from the pain you've caused.

You're stuck in my mind, like a tumor waiting to kill me, a time bomb ticking away, an hour glass drowning me in the sand with every grain that falls.
You've done something you can't change, made me want to protect and love you.
You've told me of all the people who have done awful things to you and with each person comes my own worry about you.
You've gone on about the things you've done in your past and it scares me because of the people I've connected these things to.
You tell me about the day with him, the month with her, the drunk slurs and kisses, the people who have joints and pass it around as if it was a good thing to be high.
You don't know it but each story adds to me worry because I made a vow to protect you and always let you know someone loves you.

The sad part is, that you've abused that, and made me believe that you needed happiness and love when all you really needed was to prove that you have people tied around your fingers and you can move them with ease, do anything you want just because you can.

I used to think that our relationship was like a chess game. The image you drew was that everyone was treating you like a pawn. Only useful for a while until other pieces get into play, then you're just another piece for the person to throw away because there's more than just one pawn.
I didn't like that so I took your piece and put it in my own game. I made you the king and myself the queen. The queen protects the kingdom and the king because without the king the game is over...
That's how I felt. I felt that without you there was no point to keep going..
I see now that maybe the king isn't the most useful piece and the game can continue because pieces will fall but you still have full control of the board because the game isn't chess.
It's life.