Moments; To Remember

Closer!!!!!

She was sitting near the threshold.... Lost in thoughts. She was desperately waiting for him. After 12 years, they were finally meeting each other.... It was as if she was alone in that room, but she was not, his and her family were there. They were sharing what happened during the last few years, laughing, tearing up. But her heart and thoughts were on him. There is that someone she was dying to meet. The last time she met him, he hadn't even lost his baby fat, neither did she. Today is not like that. He has grown. He even has stubble now. She is not going to meet that boy from her younger days. She was going to meet the man, whom she knew only through the photos in his social media pages. The thought he will see the women she has become made her heart flutter. For the first time she was irritated by the rain which was delaying their meeting. Yes, she was waiting for her love which was never confessed. She sat their lost in thoughts......

It's not like she was blinded in love all these years. She always had good feelings for him. The last time they saw each other they were too young to realize what was love. As she grew, she realized that the good feeling she had was something that others would call love. She was quite good in hiding them from others. Especially him. Why??? She always wondered. It's not like she was not good enough but could never gather courage to voice out her words.

 They knew each other from childhood days. It's more like saying he has witnessed her growth from an infant to the lady she is today. Like that they grew up.... On growing up together she always felt secure around him. Whenever they met, she always followed him around like a puppy. At initial days of her budding feelings, she was very happy to have a brother whom she could follow around and play with. She was not an introvert, but also not an outgoing person who could easily start a friendship. His companionship meant something for her. But she couldn't give it a name back then. 

But as the years went by many changes happened around them. Same with their bond. There meetings became less frequent. Circle of friends started to change. They were gradually drifting away from each other. Those who met every day could only meet once or twice a month. Eventually there was nothing left from their past. Those who shared everything became complete strangers within few years of not seeing each other. It was not like they were restricted from seeing other, but it was like both sides didn't make any effort. Like something was stopping both of them. And like that there was nothing more or she thought......But not even once she could forget him. He had made a deep impression in her young mind unknowingly.

She doesn't know how he feels......But as the years passed, she couldn't get over regret of not fighting for what they had. The secure feeling once she had around him was slowly turning to something deeper... She knew it was not something that sprout out yesterday.... But was actually accumulated through years of longing. 

She was no longer a girl who wanted to follow around him around like a puppy. During the last 12 years they haven't seen each other she has realized what she actually wanted. She no longer wanted to be his little sister, she wanted something more. She wanted her to call him mine. She wanted him to reciprocate her feelings. But she never contacted him even once in the past years. He was completely oblivious to her crush, or she thought. She thought that this distance and silence might help her to move on. But she was wrong. She couldn't.... The feelings were not like a curse for her, which made her suffocate.... But it was more like a friend who accompanies her during lonely nights and gave her hope. It was like his thoughts always keep her occupied as long as she is alone. 

It's not like she knew nothing about him. She knew everything going on in his life. Their families were in touch. Only thing that would spoil her mood was the doubt whether he was curious about her like she was about him. She had his number. she might dial his number at least once a day, but her fingers will give away right before pressing the call button. Sometimes she will be thinking why should she make the first move? Let him do it. And then she consoles herself saying he might be waiting for her to approach him first.

The thing that stops her from approaching him was fear of losing what they had, but she clearly knew that there was nothing left from the past, but only her unprofessed love. Her late realizations were only what was left like a book which was never opened. It was fresh but will never be read. She feared that even if he is there, he might be still seeing her as a little sister, whom he cared for once. Yes, she feared that he will sister zone her. But still she should have made an effort...The most exciting day in her life till then was the day her family announced they were going to visit his family soon.... From then she waited counting days to this moment.

Now to the present, she was suddenly brought back to reality by the sound of a bike. Her gaze fell on a man who was completely drenched in the rain. He shuffled his hair with his left hand while he had the bike keys in his right one. She stood there like in a dream. He hadn't noticed her till then. He raised his head and their eyes met. She felt like running in to his arms like old days. But she couldn't read his face while anybody could read her like an open book. They never broke the eye contact. He was walking towards her in slow steps. She stood there like she was froze. She couldn't move her legs. It was the moment she anticipated a lot. But he was the first to avert his eyes.

Each step he took, made her heartbeat faster. This was a dream come true for her. This was the man whom she wanted to attach her name with, the only man. She was giving him her best smile. But like that he walked past her, without even a smile. She doesn't know whether it was humiliation or heartbreak that she felt, but she couldn't stop her tears from falling. Was this the moment of truth? Was everything just in her head? She didn't mean anything to him!!! He doesn't even remember her. She stood there without moving. She couldn't turn back and face his indifferent look. Her heartfelt so heavy like somebody stepped on it.

The room fell silent. She knew everybody had their eyes on her. She couldn't gather the courage to meet their eyes. Even though she was silent whole the time, everybody knew she was the who was most excited for today. Finally, she raised her head and looked around, tears falling down. She could no longer hold it in. She cried her eyes out. What that hurt her the most was he didn't even consider her as a little sister. If he did, at least he would have smiled at her. All these while she feared he would consider her as a little sister. But the reality hit her pretty hard. She was nothing for him, not even a friend. 

She walked away from their eyes to another room. She was not ready to face any questions. All that she wanted was to be alone. She entered a room and closed the doors. Then she was suddenly pulled into a wet body. She was startled would be an understatement. She tried to escape from the hold, and she was met with the greatest surprise of her life. It was him. Was it a dream? She felt like melting into his arm. The warmth slowly started to crawl into her. She was now crying more loudly smearing his already wet shirt with her tears. She looked at him again as if confirming it was not a dream. She didn't know what his hug meant. But it was what she needed the most at this moment. She threw her hands around him trapping him as if he would disappear now. She wanted to say many things to him, but no voice was coming out. She tried to speak." I... I....you...ig..ignore...." She couldn't make a complete sentence. 

He hugged her tighter squeezing her between his arms and chest. He said, "Sh....Sh....Don't cry. I'm sorry. I was so embarrassed to meet your eyes after all these years I didn't contact you. I'm sorry I was being a coward to reach out first. I was not ignoring you. Don't cry anymore". He wiped her tears. Her eyes were already red. She had calmed down. Now one could only hear soft sobs from her. He held her in arms. Her ears close to her chest. She could hear his heartbeat. She muttered still hugging him "It's okay. We both were."

Now that she was closer to him than ever, feeling his warmth, hearing his heartbeats, the years she waited for him was not in vain. Everything she felt was not one sided. Both didn't put their feelings into words. Her tears and his heartbeats were enough. The warmth they are feeling now was enough. The gaze he gave her was enough. His stubble that tickled her neck was enough. His hands that were patting her head was enough. The feeling of being protected was enough. He was enough for her. She was enough for him. This was what they both were longing for, to be in each other's arm. At last, she had the courage to say that one day I'll write my name next to his. Nothing else matters anymore. They were now closer....