trigger warning: mentions of death and vomiting.
SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE BARBARA !!
ever since barbara's untimely death in his backyard, steve harrington hadn't been able to even look at his pool. though he tried to brush it off and act like he wasn't affected by it, he couldn't ignore the way he closed the blinds to the patio door, how he triple checked the lock on the door. and he most definitely couldn't pretend he didn't sleep in a different room after her death.
the night after she was officially declared missing, he tried to go to bed at his regular time. however, the glow of the pool lights shining through his window made his stomach lurch; made him make a beeline towards the closest bathroom where he proceeded to upchuck everything he'd ate that whole day. that night, steve slept on the couch, the blinds closed and his eyes closed even tighter. he can't remember if he got a good night's rest that night, all he can remember is barbara telling nancy to go home with her, to not go upstairs with him. maybe, if nancy had listened to her friend instead of him, barbara would still be here.
the knowledge of the upside down only made his guilt pile up on him even more. not only did she just disappear from his backyard but she was killed there. in some hell version of his backyard, her last memory was him. his house, his pool, his longing to throw some bullshit party. part of him hoped she blamed him for her death, if heaven existed he wanted her to be cursing him out every day. because her life was ended in some dipshits pool while he fucked her best friend.
he could pretend to not give a fuck about nancy's friend but he knew that was far from the truth. he cared too much, cared to the point of vomiting at the idea of being left in his house where some girl got eaten. she died in his backyard and he has no choice but to stay there, stay knowing the horrors that happened so close to where he sleeps. sometimes even looking out of the kitchen window into the wooded area behind his house is enough to make his stomach to flips. and when he feels like that, he bottles it up inside and keeps it to himself. because sure, he can be affected by the russians or the upside down in general but he can't give a fuck about nancy's friend, not when he pretended not to.
