Soul connection: The first Krishna-Arjun journey

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟡: 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕖𝕕𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘

Arjun's pov

Arjun woke up downhearted on the morning of the wedding day and straightaway tripped on the bedstead (Panchal's architecture was so different from Hastinapur's, let alone the forests).

This was not the way he would have wanted his wedding day to start. It would probably have been better to not get married at all than undergo the wedding which was about to take place today.

Draupadi's face kept flashing inside his head as the servants came to get him readied for the ceremonies--retorting to Madhav's riddles, laughing at the dinner table yesterday at something her twin had said, avoiding Arjun's eyes all through, and the firm tone she assumed while accepting Sage Vyasa's advice.

She was so different from all other women he had known. He would not say being timid and soft-spoken was bad--his sister Duhsala was an extreme case of both, and he loved her so much--but a spirited one like Panchali was one in a million. One in a million, whose hand he had won with his most cherished skill, who had accepted him with a smile. 

He kept pushing the images away. 

It would have been better even if Panchali had agreed to marrying only his jyesht. It would have been easier to bear that than having to share her with his brothers.

But no, remembered Arjun with a thrill of horror. Then the four of them would have had to live away from Yudhishthir forever.

Arjun's disappointment and resentment turned into a sort of sick disgust towards himself. Every time he let himself feel disappointed, he was being disrespectful towards his jyesht.

He could not talk of this to anyone, not his brothers, not his mother, certainly not Panchali. It was his duty to accept what Yudhishthir had decided without bitterness.

'Do you think for yourself, like ever?'

"Have you still not got dressed?" a loud, obnoxiously cheery voice boomed at the door.

"How do you do that?" demanded Arjun.

"Do what? Walk? Talk? Shout? Annoy you?" 

Madhav skipped up to Arjun to adjust an uncomfortably flowing component of his attire at the shoulder which he had been struggling with fifteen minutes. Relieved, Arjun stood still to let him. 

"All of them, but also--every time I think of you, you turn up."

"I am the other half of your soul. I am you, Parth."

Arjun had still not managed to figure out what Madhav meant by this statement of his. One part of him (a large part) was convinced that the inexplicable pull he felt towards Madhav could be attributed to nothing but that. Another logical part of him wondered how it was possible to be connected by souls.

"Besides," Madhav interrupted, "did you say I annoy you?"

"No, Madhav," said Arjun hastily. "You can never annoy me, even if you always speak in riddles and never give a straight answer."

"Good," said Madhav, sounding pleased.

He had fixed the clothes, and stepped back to take a better look.

"There," he said patronizingly. "You look quite presentable. If you want to cry, you had better got it done now, before you appear at the wedding."

"Why would I want to cry?" asked Arjun, mystified.

"Well, you know," said Madhav, a bit apologetically. "People always seem to be crying at weddings."

"I wonder what people have to cry about in one-way weddings," Arjun said, feeling quite offended.

"You can cry about the polyandrous nature of the wedding, too, if you wish."

"I am not going to cry at all." Arjun hesitated. "You are going to be present, aren't you, Madhav?"

The wicked twinkle in Madhav's eye gave way to seriousness in a blink.

"Of course, Parth."

***

It was said that the groom was not allowed to see the bride in wedding attire before the actual wedding. The moment she did appear, therefore, was supposed to be a special one. 

Arjun, however, concentrated firmly on not looking up when Draupadi entered and the guests cheered. He did not know if his brothers had looked up. But he knew how she would be looking. He knew it would only make him feel worse than he was feeling.

When the need to see her beat his determination, he gave in.

He regretted glancing up immediately when she looked across the hall straight at him. The fire in her eyes made his heart strain. Where did it originate from?

For fire originated from both love and hatred, and at the moment, she had the right to feel both towards him.

She would always be divided among the five of them. Her love would be divided, too. Her smile.  Her soul.

Arjun already knew he would never let himself love Panchali even half of what he might have in a different universe.

***

Dhaumya, the Pandavas' priest, performed the rituals to get Draupadi married to each of the brothers in descending order of their age.

When Arjun's turn came, he ensured he did not commit the mistake of looking into his wife's eyes again, even when he sensed her gaze upon him. They went through the steps mechanically. A marriage that started with so much regret was bound to end much worse, thought Arjun.

It was only Madhav's presence that made Arjun go through it. Madhav, who made sure he sat directly across from Arjun's position around the fire and emanated solidarity throughout with tiny gestures, sometimes funny, sometimes sweet.

King Drupad was the first to bless his sons-in-law. Draupadi's family followed. Kunti, who had cried the whole duration of the rituals, was still crying as she hugged her daughter-in-law and blessed her. Afterwards, lavish gifts were showered upon the six of them from the guests, including Krishna and Balaram, who seemed to have brought half of Dwaraka's riches along.

"What are you doing?" Arjun hissed amidst the chaos of accepting and sorting the gifts. "What on earth are forest dwellers supposed to be doing with these--these extravagant--jewellery and furniture?"

"You and your brothers will find use of it," his friend said in true Madhav-style.

"What kind of uses?"

"I wanted ornaments chosen by me to be the first one to adorn your palace."

"Maybe it is news to you, Madhav, but we don't have a--"

"We need to have a discussion later," said Madhav. "Enjoy your wedding first. Your first wedding, Parth."

"And last," assured Arjun. "I am out of this."

Madhav's lips twitched. "We'll see. Also, I have a special gift exclusively for you."

He produced an armband from the folds of his clothes and fastened it on Arjun's left arm. 

It was the only plain gift he had given. Made of simply cloth, green and blue with specks of orange and red, it reminded Arjun of the peacock feather on Madhav's head. The moment it was attached, Arjun felt calmer.

"Keep this to remind yourself I am always with you," said Madhav.

Suddenly Arjun could not imagine how he had survived all these years without Madhav.

Maybe because his soul had not realized it was incomplete. Now that his soul had got the taste of being complete, however, Arjun knew it would no longer be able to survive without its other half.