Nero of the North

The horses

The horse races were pretty boring in comparison to the views I had on my left. Both Caius and Nero were physically so close to me, yet seemed so distant. I knew I couldn't be with Nero because of him being an emperor, but I was hoping fate could push him my way. And I hated myself for thinking that. After all, I didn't even know what kind of person he was, and from the history lessons I was pretty sure he was a madman, and so not really boyfriend material. More than that - I had some kind of feelings for the person sitting right next to me.

It was all too complicated and left me thinking all the possible scenarios over in my head. What if we did like each other and all the little signs I thought I saw from him were real, wouldn't that be weird considering that his parents took me in? And were those "signs" true in the first place? Maybe I was just assuming too much? All these questions and no real answers, meanwhile my heart beat faster whenever I looked at either of them. Perhaps it was my intuition trying to get me to open up to others. "I mean I am in Rome, this could be an opportunity..."

All this made me not even realize, when the competition was over and the winner was decided. The noise the crowd made was nothing I've ever heard before, maybe because of the VIP spot or just as a result of me never going to any sporting events. Either way, the thundering roar of happy viewers was enough to make me stop hearing my own thoughts, and finally focus on the world around me.

It must have been an hour later, after Rufus took us out to eat something when we finally decided to go back. Caius must have noticed me acting a bit odd because he seemed just a bit more attentive than usual, so was his father. When asked - I explained to them that I'm just not used to crowds. Which pushed me down another one of my overthinking sprees. What if I was wasting my life? Always somewhat afraid of trying new things. I was stuck in a new place without a way to go back and yet I still was just an observer.

Everything I did there in Rome seemed so inconsequential. It wasn't my real life, they weren't the friends I gained over the years. They were a group of people from a world completely different to mine. The people I wouldn't have met if I wasn't sent here as some kind of a punishment. And I was still just the quiet "new one" in their group. What did it say about me? That I'm not ready to take my life and do something with it? That I'm scared of change?

It was all too confusing to me, different emotions I've never felt in my entire life. "I didn't?" I asked myself quietly, or maybe just inside my mind. It wasn't true. I felt attraction to someone in my real life, yet it was a different feeling to what I was experiencing now. And somehow it felt equally as real.

I got so hyper focused on my thoughts, that Caius had to say my name twice to make me finally look at him.

He was looking at me visibly worried, standing next to Nerva, who must have joined our walk a moment earlier.

"Oh... Sorry, I kinda dozed off." I explained myself, slowly going back to reality.

"That's okay, was that your first ever horse race?" Asked the green eyed man.

"Yeah, I'm not a sport's person." I laughed, trying to make myself seem a bit less pathetic, but it was so quiet and unsure, it must have had an opposite effect.

"Um.. Okay... So I was asking if you want to join us for dinner." Was it dinner time already? Could the time have flown so quickly today? I still wasn't entirely aware of what was happening around me.

"Yes! Sure! I'd love to!" I answered, finally smiling.

They looked relieved, seeing me light up a bit. But I was still worried. I wasn't used to dozing off like that. Or rather I was used to letting my mind wander, but I always could bring myself back to earth. Why was it different this time? I didn't let myself go down that rabbit hole, and without another session of overthinking I followed Nerva and Caius. Who were weirdly quiet.