Hawkstar's Clan

Chapter 11

Hawkpaw watched from the foot of the apprentice den.

Life was resuming normally in the camp, albeit a hint of uncertainty still in the air. They were all concerned for Badgerstar. Despite the uncertainty, patrols had to go on. He saw cats leave. He saw cats return. Hawkpaw caught an interesting sight; Falconclaw was escorting a short, plump white she-cat with piercing blue eyes and a pink collar. His ears twitched.

What was a kittypet doing here in Clan territory? Was she thinking about joining the Clan?

He caught a bit of their dialogue before they disappeared.

"Yeah we also have a new kit that was born," Falconclaw said. "His name's Goldenkit, and he's Peppersneeze's kit."

"Oh how marvelous," the plump she-cat said happily. "New kits are always a good sign."

"Let's just hope Peppersneeze doesn't get too aggressive, since it is her first and only kit right now."

"Oh trust me. I was the same thing when I had Brightwater. I wouldn't want to mess with mothers and their kits. I'm only here just to see my grand kits."

Hawkpaw heard some stories about her. Cupid. That was her name. She disappeared into the nursery to see Brightwater and Duckpad's kits and presumably say hello to Peppersneeze's new kit Goldenkit; she was the mother of Brightwater and grandmother of Duckpad and Birdpounce. That also meant she was related to Skunkpaw and Condorpaw since their father was Birdpounce, Duckpad's brother.

His brain began to hurt on the family tree. It was so many kin.

"Hey, Hawkpaw."

He turned his attention to Tinypaw, who called out to him. The Siamese tom gave a friendly nudge on his shoulder.

"How's your chest doing?" he asked.

"Fine I think?" Hawkpaw answered. He was a bit confused on Tinypaw approaching him; he knew he never liked being social due to his trauma with his mother's death. "I can breathe better now than before, but my chest still feels sore."

"It was lucky they found you before the worst happened," Condorpaw said.

"Real good," Tinypaw added.

"Yeah." He looked back to the medicine den. "I wonder why Crowcloud wanted me out, other than wanting to speak with Badgerstar? Wouldn't she just have moved me somewhere farther in the den?"

"You know how leaders and medicine cats can be," Skunkpaw said with a slight scorn. "Their conversations are so private, it feels deceitful. Why don't they tell us anything in front of us? What's so secret about StarClan only the leader and the medicine cat should discuss before vaguely telling us? We should be knowing everything!"

Condorpaw gently cuffed her sister's ear. Skunkpaw let out a brief yelp in surprise then grumbled at her sister while she rubbed her ear.

Hawkpaw rested his head on the entrance, accompanied by Berrypaw's warmth as she huddled next to him. He saw Shadowstorm emerge and head to the fresh-kill pile, going through the prey carefully. Some cats went up to her to ask about Badgerstar. She shooed them away. She picked out a starling and made her way back to the medicine den. She was probably getting Badgerstar something to eat to get her strength back.

"I really hope Badgerstar will be okay," Berrypaw said. "It would be awful if we lost her."

Hawkpaw sighed. "I hope as well."

"You're worried about your brother, aren't you?"

He looked at Berrypaw's bright brown eyes. He didn't want to say it aloud, but deep down he was completely worried for him. Something had happened, and darkness was seeping in the corner of his eyes. Fear never felt as strong as it did right now.

Hawkpaw leaned himself closer to Berrypaw, taking in her scent. He was glad she was here for him.

Some time later, Crowcloud emerged from the medicine den. She made a passing statement to Cupid as she and Falconclaw emerged from the nursery. His eyes shifted to her appearance, realizing she was heading over to the apprentice den.

"Hawkpaw."

The brown tabby tom perked up.

"Badgerstar would like a word with you now."

Trying to contain his fear, Hawkpaw got up, nosing Berrypaw goodbye, and followed Crowcloud back to the medicine den. He pushed through the hanging leaves delicately. He looked at his leader; she was looking a lot better now than when she first came back to the Clan. Cobwebs stuck on her wounds to ensure no further blood escaped. She was taking bites out of the starling Shadowstorm picked. She finally felt their presence and looked up.

"Thank you Crowcloud for bringing him," she told her.

The medicine cat nodded and went back to her supplies.

The gray and white she-cat looked at the brown tabby tom. "Hawkpaw."

"Badgerstar," Hawkpaw said, bowing his head, "I'm sorry to come off so suddenly and rude, and I sincerely hope you will recover, but I am just really worried-"

"I know. About your brother."

Hawkpaw twitched his ears in embarrassment. Was she only being nice to soothe his nerves? "But I'm also worried about you as well."

"No need. I will make it through. If I was in your paws, I'd be worried about my siblings too."

Hawkpaw could see Crowcloud's tail twitch a bit in the corner of his eye, remembering that Badgerstar lost her sister to the fox that killed the black she-cat's unofficial mate and lost her brother to the unknown.

"What happened to him? Where is he?" Hawkpaw asked frantically.

Badgerstar lowered her head, her gaze indicating she was trying to conjure the story. Her face grimaced in pain. Hawkpaw's heart raced faster. It wasn't good, he could already tell.

Eventually she looked back up at him.

"He disappeared when I went to look for him last night to discuss matters," she explained. "I looked everywhere for him but he was nowhere in the camp. I then searched outside our territory, sniffing for his trail. It took a while before I was able to pick it up. I followed and...I found him... And..." She paused. Hawkpaw felt his chest tighten at the suspense.

"And?? What happened??"

"Oh StarClan it was awful... There were dogs-"

Hawkpaw's heart jolted. "Dogs!?" The brown tabby shuddered at the mention of those creatures. Dogs were nothing but trouble to Clan cats.

"Yes. Loose black and tan dogs. They were massive, like the monsters that leave and enter the island. They... They were toying with him, ripping Twistedwish in their massive jaws... He broke free and was fighting bravely against them.. But it was too late.. One of the dogs chased him to the cliffs... He fell over."

There was silence in the den.

"The dogs...killed him..?"

Badgerstar lowered her head. "I tried to save him, but the dogs saw me and attacked. I managed to run away when a Twoleg screeched for them, distracting them for a moment. I was lucky they didn't notice I left... I waited until they left so I could find Twistedwish's body. But it was nowhere to be found. The ocean claimed him... I'm so sorry for your loss, Hawkpaw. Twistedwish will be remembered for all time."

Hawkpaw lowered his head, suppressing the incoming sobs.

His brother was dead. There would be no body to lay vigil, no body to say his final goodbyes, nothing. Ferretsea would be devastated and Icefog would be even more since he is from another Clan. Would he come to ThistleClan to stand vigil for his dead son? His dead brother? Hawkpaw knew of the weird and tense relationship they had while he was alive, but surely Icefog would put that aside and make amends. 

Hawkpaw let the tears roll down his fur. He struggled to breathe, rubbing his paw over his eyes. Even though he did have his parents, Hawkpaw felt empty that he would not have a sibling to look up to anymore.

"Yes, he will," he said between his sobs. "But... I promise I will be just as great as he was! You'll see!"

There was a swift and sudden flash of fear in Badgerstar's eyes that quickly disappeared. "That's great, Hawkpaw," she said. "You're free to go now."
He bowed at her and turned to head back to the apprentice den. As he padded, he casted a side glance back at the medicine cat.

He couldn't scratch off the fear in his leader's eyes. It was real genuine fear, the kind of fear that would be shown if an enemy ambushed the Clan.

Was there something he was missing?

If so, what?

Why was Badgerstar afraid on his intent to be just like his brother?

***

The waves crashed ever gently on the sand.

Twistedwish's body floated to the shore, settling on the wet sand. Muscles twitching, he jerked himself awake. He took a huge breath of air and coughed what water he swallowed, groaning. He let his muscles relax as he rolled onto his belly. His gaze fluttered upward. The sun was barely climbing to the highest point.

He narrowed his eyes.

Badgerstar was probably lying about him at this moment. Lying about their encounter. Hawkpaw would believe her lies, then he'd go soft.

He would lose his grip on him.

The silver tabby tom got to his paws, his long, sharp claws unsheathing and digging into the sand. No matter. He knew his brother would never be like him despite all the training he gave him. Their mother and leader sheltered him, and only taught him the ways of the warrior code. He praised good like it was a newborn kit. If Hawkpaw ever found out his secret, he would despise him, and he would turn him away. Reveal him in front of the whole Clan. He would be disgusted and horrified. A cat like Hawkpaw (or even Badgerstar and the rest of the Clan) could never be broken if they don't open their mind.

Twistedwish got to his paws. He would try making a return, surprise every Clan at the next Gathering when Badgerstar announces his "death," but he knew it would only make things worse. His secrecy and his plan would fall apart. He would have to perfectly wait for a good moment until he could strike again.

Until then, he was a rogue, and he had to hide.

Twistedwish twitched his ear.

Someone was calling him ever so softly.

"Twistedwish...."

And he knew exactly who that voice was.