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My first suicidal thought was when i was 8.
Just 8. I remember holding up the gun with shaking hands and pointing it to Lee, my only protector at the time. He had told me to shoot him. I knew I had to do it, So he wouldn't turn into a walker. My shaky hands held up the gun as Lee closed his eyes. The last words I heard him say, "Ill miss you, sweet-pea." Then I pulled the trigger, the bullet went through his head.
I started to sob, as quiet as I could so the walkers wouldn't hear me.
For a while, I sat next to him, thinking about how it was my fault he'd been bit. I just sat there, whispering the same thing over, "Im sorry Lee."
I sat next to him with my knees curled to my chest, thinking about letting myself go with him. When I got up to get ready to leave him, I felt completely alone. I didn't know where Christa and Omid were, They had probably already gone, thinking we both must've died. I heard walkers start to bang on the door, saying one last sorry to Lee, I ran away as fast as I could. I kept running until I was out of Savannah.
I was completely on my own, exhausted and depressed. I sat on a log in the middle of what i think was a wheat field, somewhere in Virginia. fumbling with the gun i used to kill Lee with as I put some more ammo in. I looked up for a second, then saw two people in the distance, walking together. I stared for a moment, Thinking of running to the couple. Then they stopped. I got up from the log and ran as fast as i could go, my tears still staining my face. I stopped as i noticed who the two were, Christa and Omid.
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2 years pass, Im 11. I sit on a tree stump, watching Christa light some sort of weasel up for us to eat.
"You should be doing this Clementine, not me."
I stay silent. Christa stands up.
"Im going to get more wood." She mumbles as she walks off into the woods. I sit in silence, getting up to search my bag for a lighter. As I go through my bag, I pick up the picture of lee i took from the pharmacy, he ripped it off of a picture of him and his family. I stare at the picture, and I start to tear up. I remember holding the gun up to Lee's head, and pulled the trigger. I put the picture in my back pocket, hoping I wouldn't lose it. I grab the piece of paper and burn it, setting it in the logs. I think for a second, picking up the drawing of Kenny, Katjaa and Duck and the picture of Lee from my pocket. I set the drawing in the fire, not wanting to lose the only thing i have left from Lee. As I get up to put the picture back in my bag, it blows out of my hand and flies elsewhere. I tried so hard to not cry, but some tears couldn't be stopped from falling.
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I think of everything I remember of Lee as I sit in James' barn, propped up against a stack of hay. AJ cries as I go over the survival rules. I get to the last rule and he sobs.
"AJ, You have to kill me." I finally mutter out.
I watch his expression, his eyes widen and his mouth hangs open. He squeezes his eyes shut for a second, and raises the axe above his head.
I close my eyes, thinking of everything thats happened since the outbreak. I feel a tear run down my cheek, I breathe in, and AJ slams the axe down.
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My eyes shoot open, An agonizing pain shoots through my body, I look at AJ, hes fucking cutting my leg off. The pain is unbearable, I begin to scream, louder than I ever have. AJ cuts through my leg one last time, and then its off. I stare at my leg, breathless as I bleed out. Parts of my vision begin to blur, and black spots appear as I pass out.
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My eyes peel open, and I stare at the moldy ceiling. I turn my head, feeling unable to do anything. Then I come to the realization that I'm still alive. I try to sit up, but I feel way to weak to even blink. Out of nowhere, I feel a sharp pain go through my leg and I groan.
"Clementine?" I hear Ruby's voice
"Ru..." I choke on my words and begin to cough. alot.
"Clementine, you need to lay back down hon." She places a hand under my back, and sits me up. "You've been out for almost a week, we were worried we were gonna have to dig another grave."
I chuckle slightly and clear my throat. "Need water.." I barely mumble out. She grabs a canteen and puts it to my lips and i drink, she rambles on about what happened while i was sleeping, but i barely listen. i push my head back a little and she took the canteen away. I look around the room, still confused how im not dead. Ruby notices Clementines confusion
"Oh right. If your wondering how your still alive, its because.. AJ.. He cut your leg off."
I stare at her for a moment, still a little confused how I even survived to get my leg cut off.
"Can I see it?"
"What?!? No!"
"Its my leg."
"I... Fine." Ruby puts a hand on her back to help her sit up a little more so Clem can see her leg.
"....Holy..shit."
