Zaynah ✓

xxxviii

~ Z a y n a h ~

"Do you know when he'll return?"

"Why? Are you missing him that much?" Laevinn replied playfully, but unfortunately, his words unsettled me.

Noticing my uneasiness, his eyes softened, "I'm sorry, I was only joking."

I managed a small smile, "It's okay. I guess I really am becoming a snowflake, as he calls me."

"No, you're not. It's only natural that you feel this way considering what he has done to you."

I sighed. Laevinn was a good company in such a suffocating atmosphere.

"So you have no idea of his arrival?"

"I'm afraid I don't." He hung his head low.

I just wanted to be prepared when he came. I mean, mentally. That's why I dreaded his return.

"Does he still hurt you?" he asked after hesitating for a long time.

"What do you think?" I looked away.

A moment of silence fell on us.

"You do know that it's not the end, right?"

"And that's what keeps me alive." I smiled sadly.

"Do you," he hesitated again, "do you have a plan?"

I scoffed internally. Do I?

"I don't know yet," I lightly shrugged, "but one thing I know for sure. In the end, it's either him or me."

He put his hand on my shoulder, startling me, "Hey, don't be disheartened."

I looked at his hand, and he quickly retreated it back, getting the hint. Unlike Desmond.

"You don't like being touched. Do you?" He seemed like he was walking around eggshells when he was with me. So careful and thoughtful.

"No."

Never did and never will and on top of it Desmond just made everything worse.

"Sometimes, I wonder if anything will ever be alright. What if I'm just pursuing a futile dream? What if this is how my life remains?"

For once, I let it all out without bothering about anything.

"Zaynah," his voice alarmed me for some reason.

Maybe it was because no one called me that anymore or because Desmond used it only during an intense situation.

Either way, I was on guard.

"I may not completely understand the seriousness of your pain, but just know that I'm always with you," he smiled at me.

I let out another sigh, "You don't have to do any of these -"

"But I want to."

"Why?" My voice was just above a whisper.

"Because," his eyes widened, and he backed off a few steps.

He was acting strange all of a sudden, and that bothered me.

"What happened, Laevinn?" I asked in concern.

Did I make him uncomfortable?

"I don't know," he held his head between his hands as if everything was about to explode right then.

I stepped towards him and held him by the shoulders, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Was he having a panic attack? But why?

"I'm not okay," tears formed in his eyes, and he looked vulnerable.

"I'm going to call the guards now, ok?"

"No! Don't. I'm okay now."

"You're sure?" I was unconvinced.

"Yes, I am." Hearing that, I moved away from him giving him his personal space.

"You scared me," I chuckled to ease out the tense situation.

"I did? I'm sorry then," he grinned sheepishly at me.

I smiled at him fondly. He was like a brother I never had.

"Did my words trigger something in you?"

He looked forward, "Maybe."

That tension was so thick that I forgot what I had even asked, for him to react that way.

I smiled and shook my head, "then I better not say something like that again."

He gazed at me with smiley eyes.

"Yes, maybe you shouldn't."